Empty

Our house has empty rooms. Waiting. At times filled temporarily with guests. One person, then another, finding transient rest in one of the empty bedrooms. I close the doors compulsively as I walk by after tidying up the central room, putting away folded clothes -- perhaps if the doors are closed the empty rooms will be forgotten, set aside, put on the back burner.

But ignored rooms don't go away. And emptiness rings hollow. Like a dull gong sounding deep in the recesses of the heart. Empty. Barren. The symbolism cannot be ignored. And the words echo relentlessly: Empty...  Empty ...  Empty...

Then, like a whisper in my soul, the dull echo begins to sing. Quietly at first, the lyrics turn the gong into a song:  "Empty hands held high. Such small sacrifice..." 

    Lord I give my life

A living sacrifice

  To reach a world in need

    To be Your hands and feet...

And I know it's true -- if my hands are empty, it's to raise them as an offering to my King.  The wracking of my brain to figure out what to do with the emptiness is answered in these simple lyrics -- offer the emptiness to Him.  A small sacrifice in light of Calvary. My life, my dreams, in exchange for Him. 

So with joyful, painful relief, my soul bursts into full song: 

Let my lifesong sing to You!

I want to sign Your name to the end of this day

Knowing that my heart was true

Let my lifesong sing to You.

(Lyrics by Casting Crowns)

Jacie-isms

Walking to the library recently, Jacie held the book in front of her, reading as she crossed the parking lot -- evidently trying to squeeze the last few moments out of an oft-read book that we were about to return.

Sighing melodramatically, she stated equally dramatically, " Mommy, I'm really, really sad to return these books.  But I'm so excited to get new ones!"

And that, so eloquently stated, is the heartfelt dilemma of every book lover.  I smiled in true commiseration at her comment, heart overwhelmed yet again at the very kindred spirit of my book-lovin' girl!

Is My Child Safe?

One of the great internal battles I have as a parent is the legitimacy of assuring my daughter she is safe.

I'm quite convinced she's safe from the lamp's shadow on the wall that she fears.

I have no doubt that she's safe from the monsters that live under her bed.

But when I remind her to turn her fears to God and trust in Him, there's that niggling doubt in the back of my mind....  "But God may not keep her safe tonight.  Thieves may rob us in the night. Terrors that she cannot imagine may come unannounced. Can I really in full honesty assure her of safety?" 

Then I came across this verse in Psalm 68: "God is to us a God of deliverances; and to God The Lord belong escapes from death." The commentaries I read reminded the reader that God is sovereign over the time and circumstances of our death.  As believers, we are sovereignly safe -- even dangers are carefully sifted through His sovereign hand.  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego voiced this truth in Daniel 3:17-18 when they told the king that God may or may not rescue them.  Esther voiced similar confidence in God's sovereignty when she uttered her famous statement  "...and if I perish, I perish."

In each of these situations, people of the Bible were confidently proclaiming their trust in God's sovereignty -- that safety that comes with knowing Him.

With this simple review of Scriptural truth, I felt the sweet peace of God's sovereignty come to roost in my heart.  There may be dangers along my daughter's life journey that would whelm my heart were I to know them in advance.  However, I can safely trust her to The Father's sovereign care, knowing that nothing comes her way that He hasn't granted.  And I can encourage her to rest in His sovereignty -- to rest in the same sweet peace that allowed David to sleep in the very face of danger:  "I will lie down  and sleep in peace, for You alone, OLord will make me to dwell in safety." (Psalm 4:8)

The REAL Reason I send Jacie to School....

My big four-year-old headed off to school today (yes, I know I wrote yesterday about homeschooling, but for now we're enjoying the best of both worlds!).  

She awoke early, chipper and cheerily anticipating school today.  She knocked on our bedroom door and called, "Is it time for school yet?" way too early....  When we groggily responded, "No, not yet.  Go play until we tell you."  She obediently scampered off (oh, how I've longed for this day -- when she's finally old enough to "go play" and let me catch a few more winks!).

After feeding her, dressing her, loading her backpack, I watched her run out the door with her dad and jump into the car.   As I closed the door behind them and walked back into the house, I thought, "Now THIS is why I like school!"

Why do I REALLY send my daughter to school two days a week?

1.) For the blissful peace and quiet of a house to myself for a few hours.  Ahhh!

2.) For the breakfast or lunch date hubby and I get to indulge in without finding a babysitter.

Those are MY reasons.

Jacie loves school.  I'm glad for the opportunity for her to interact with her peers on a limited basis, especially since she has no playmates at home.  I'm thankful for the Christian teachers who are faithful, committed, whom I know personally, and have complete trust in their character.  I know that she's in a safe environment.

This is how Jacie benefits.

But I cannot get past the heartfelt, soul-deep conviction I have that it is MY job to train, teach, and raise my child.  That is why I say two days a week and no more.  Because I want to be the chief influence in my daughter's life  -- the chief teacher, the chief, shaper and molder.  At least for now during these young, tender years.

Do I love my peace and quiet?  Do I love my freedom?  YES!  But even that love makes me leery of my own motives.  My freedom is not worth abdicating my responsibility.  I have been given a commission from the moment my daughter was entrusted to me by God, and I fully intend to be the one, alongside my husband, to carry out that God-given responsibility.

One day, I won't have the "best of both worlds" option.  One day the fork in the road will come, and I must be all in one way or another.  On that day, as on this day, I will choose the path to which God has called me.  The course for which I and my husband alone must answer when God asks us, "What did YOU do to raise your child in the nurture and admonition of the LORD?"

Learning Adventures at Home

Tuesday, August 26

Today Jacie asked to color, and I gave her a choice between numbers, shapes, and letters.  She chose this rectangle worksheet.  Because she can read the directions by herself, she was able to complete the whole worksheet with no input from me.

(I did help her with the 5.)

I'm so excited that she's writing on her own!  A few months ago, I tried to encourage her to write short words, and she protested with "I can't!"  Now she's writing on her own without being asked!

Other activities today included PlayDough art, and educational TV =  Sesame Street with the letter "I" and Daniel Tiger discussing how to handle feelings/emotions, specifically frustration.  

We also talked about money denominations and values after Jacie asked for coins to put in her newly painted cupcake bank.  She earned a nickel by cleaning up the living room for me!

Learning Adventures at Home

Monday, August 25

Jacie drew a basketball, a dog, and a church this morning.  She labeled the dog and the church to the best of her ability.  I discovered these in the morning after breakfast.  She had done them on her own before breakfast.  Look where personal learning and discovery leads!

basketball

Art time consisted of painting a cupcake bank she got for her birthday.  She was especially concerned about making sure the dots were colored just right!

Other activities today were fairly typical -- reading time on her own and with me, Bible stories, some educational TV/iPad time, nap, and outside time. I really don't think the skills, development, and learning accomplished in a typical day at home can be quantified!

Educating at Home

My world and my newsfeed is abuzz with "back to school" or "first day of school" chatter.  Caught up in it, I'm eager to dress my child up, load her with a backpack and send her off to that magical place called "school."  And I do -- a couple days a week anyway.

But as an educator, a reader, and one who's been exposed to many different educational styles, I'm thinking through this whole process of education. Actually, I've been thinking it through long before I ever had a child.  I began the process of analyzing my thoughts on education as a teenager when I compared my elementary homeschool days to my junior high and high school years in a non-traditional Christian school.  As a young adult working as a behavioral health aide in the public schools, I further processed the type of learning mold squirmy 5 and 6 year olds were herded into on a daily basis.  I didn't like what I saw there. I remember a free-wheeling family in my church where I grew up firmly advocate and implement the "unschooling" philosophy where their children's interests were completely self-directed and unchecked/corrected.

My take? Perhaps something in between.  I saw the phrase "relaxed homeschooling" when I googled a name to give to my approach.  I also saw "unstructured homeschooling." I want my child to learn discipline and structure.  My theology will not allow me to have a completely child-centered, child-directed approach to schooling.  However, my  experience and observations shows me that forcing kids into a highly structured learning environment at a young age will surely and almost certainly create a distaste for school and a hatred for learning by default.  I want something different for my daughter.  I want to foster and promote her natural love for learning.  I believe all kids do naturally love learning, to a degree  -- it may be just a matter of finding their interest or learning style that when capitalized upon comes to life.  I can't speak from years of parental experience.  I am a teacher and have taught all ages. I have been a student in many different types of educational settings.  Now I embark on the journey of pursuing the best course of education for my daughter.

The following blogs will chart my journey.  Embrace and enjoy the journey with me, and feel free to share thoughts and ideas from your own journeys.