Orphanage visits in Jamaica. Coming home to our large, mostly empty house. Wondering about God's plan for our family. Will our home ever be filled with our children, adopted or biological (the latter seems less likely as time moves on)? Or is the Divine Exchange a home filled with ministry? As my 40s creep closer and the dream of a large family appears more elusive, I search for an explanation, an alternative. The why behind the closed womb. An answer to the daunting question of adoption (mounds of paperwork, red tape, waiting lists, and $$$ for international adoptions).
Down to the marrow of my bones, I believe that God's plan is the best plan. But am I missing it? Is the battle with infertility meant to push us to fill our home with children who need a home? Or is it something else altogether since the means necessary for adoption doesn't seem forthcoming? I am willing to exchange my dreams for God's best, whatever that is. It's just the waiting and uncertainty that get to me every time.
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