October 2004 - June 2005 proved to be a difficult time for me emotionally. I was 28 and still single, struggling as never before with this reality. A couple of prospects appeared on the scene, but both were obviously wrong for me. Conroy moved on (apparently reading my non-verbal signals quite accurately) and began dating someone else during that time as well. Throughout the year, we maintained our friendship, continuing to run together, brainstorming and collaborating on ideas for our respective dorms and the college students in our charge.
In May of 2005, a couple of key conversations pushed open the door in my mind allowing me to see Conroy in a new light. The first conversation took place over an impromptu Chinese dinner at a local hole-in-the-wall diner. I was vacillating over ending a relationship with the latest guy, discussing with Conroy my concerns (his own dating relationship had ended by this time, as well). He wisely and succinctly cut through my rationalizations and pointed out a very real concern. Worded carefully, yet so full of truth, the clarity of his statement stopped me in my tracks. As I nodded my head in concession to Conroy's point, I could hear the proverbial nail hammering the coffin shut on any potential relationship with the guy we were discussing. At the same time, I found myself respecting Conroy's wisdom and becoming more aware of the influence his opinion had on me.
Another incident where I turned to Conroy for wisdom and direction occurred over a sticky situation in the women's dorm where I was partially at fault. Once again, his clear, direct advice hit home, and I resolved the issue as he advised, recognizing the wisdom of his words.
For me, these incidents were important turning points in my realization that Conroy was someone I could respect and follow. Like most women, I wanted a strong leader as a life mate. I knew I would find it hard to follow someone whose opinion I did not respect. It was rare for me to seek advice of any male outside of my own family. So the very fact that I found myself turning to Conroy for guidance was especially significant to me. My relationship with Conroy had moved from one of him seeking me out for advice (as a new RD), to a peer working relationship, to friendship, and now to viewing him as a spiritual leader.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
Just Friends
Conroy sought me out that summer of 2004 to get my "advice" and take on being a dorm parent. He asked if we could go for coffee at Barnes and Noble so he could "pick my brain" about being RD (resident director). Though I'm sure he genuinely desired to do well at his new job, in later years he confided that he was also looking for a way to get to know me.... Seeing that we were the only two RDs on a campus with only one women's residential hall and one men's residential hall, it was inevitable that we would need to work together. I did not question his motive for the Barnes and Noble date/meeting, having no designs of my own on him at that time.
We both remember that conversation at Barnes and Noble with fond clarity. The easy conversation over coffee and carrot cake quickly departed from any prepared questions of Conroy's. Being a normally reserved person who felt that it took me awhile to warm up to people, I was pleasantly surprised at the immediate comfort level I felt with Conroy.
That initial meeting led to many more "work-related" get-togethers and conversations. I say "work-related" because they always started out that way, then usually sidetracked into more personal, friendly conversation. Conroy found out that I liked to run, so we often drove to a park or local track to run together and chat. I still did not feel anything other than a friendly connection with Conroy and sometimes worried that I should not encourage these long talks lest I give him the wrong impression. We talked a lot about relationships and what we were looking for in potential spouses. While these conversations really worried me that he may be hinting at something, I also convinced myself that since Conroy is such a friendly, personable guy, he probably talked this way with everyone.
Parenthetical note: My hesitancy regarding Conroy at this point had more to do with our age difference than anything else. I simply did not view him in the light of a potential boyfriend/husband. He was (and is!) a great guy --- fun to be around and easy to talk to. I saw him as a good friend whose company I valued greatly, but that was the extent of my feelings for him in the fall of 2004.
We both remember that conversation at Barnes and Noble with fond clarity. The easy conversation over coffee and carrot cake quickly departed from any prepared questions of Conroy's. Being a normally reserved person who felt that it took me awhile to warm up to people, I was pleasantly surprised at the immediate comfort level I felt with Conroy.
That initial meeting led to many more "work-related" get-togethers and conversations. I say "work-related" because they always started out that way, then usually sidetracked into more personal, friendly conversation. Conroy found out that I liked to run, so we often drove to a park or local track to run together and chat. I still did not feel anything other than a friendly connection with Conroy and sometimes worried that I should not encourage these long talks lest I give him the wrong impression. We talked a lot about relationships and what we were looking for in potential spouses. While these conversations really worried me that he may be hinting at something, I also convinced myself that since Conroy is such a friendly, personable guy, he probably talked this way with everyone.
Parenthetical note: My hesitancy regarding Conroy at this point had more to do with our age difference than anything else. I simply did not view him in the light of a potential boyfriend/husband. He was (and is!) a great guy --- fun to be around and easy to talk to. I saw him as a good friend whose company I valued greatly, but that was the extent of my feelings for him in the fall of 2004.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Ships in the Night
So Conroy arrives in the United States to attend (then) Practical Bible College in the fall of 2000. I return from China and begin teaching at a small Christian school in Cortland, NY. Perhaps we saw each other at times when I drove down to college to visit my brother and sister who attended Practical at that time. I have no real recollection of Conroy at that time. Now in the same general location, still we ran in parallel circles, barely overlapping, fighting our individual battles, growing through the challenges God placed in each of our lives.
For me, the next few years involved a lot of moving and continued soul-searching, battling it out with God about where my niche in life was as a young single woman with a desire to be used of God. I moved to California and back, settling briefly in Scranton, PA before being asked to come back to Practical Bible as the women's residential director in the fall of 2003. I believed this move was a direct answer to prayer for me to find fulfillment and purpose in ministry, using my singleness for God's glory. So with a full, expectant heart, I gladly accepted the call.
My first year as RD was Conroy's senior year of college. During this year, I still did not really know him well, but saw him from a distance and knew him by reputation. At the end of the school year in the spring of 2004, the Department Head asked me for my professional opinion of Conroy in regard to hiring him as the new resident director of the men's dorm upon Conroy's graduation. I remember replying that, though I didn't know Conroy well, he seemed to have good character and to be well-respected by the other students so I had no objections.
In the summer of 2004, Conroy was hired as RD at (now) Davis College, and the parallel lines of our lives converged irrevocably.
For me, the next few years involved a lot of moving and continued soul-searching, battling it out with God about where my niche in life was as a young single woman with a desire to be used of God. I moved to California and back, settling briefly in Scranton, PA before being asked to come back to Practical Bible as the women's residential director in the fall of 2003. I believed this move was a direct answer to prayer for me to find fulfillment and purpose in ministry, using my singleness for God's glory. So with a full, expectant heart, I gladly accepted the call.
My first year as RD was Conroy's senior year of college. During this year, I still did not really know him well, but saw him from a distance and knew him by reputation. At the end of the school year in the spring of 2004, the Department Head asked me for my professional opinion of Conroy in regard to hiring him as the new resident director of the men's dorm upon Conroy's graduation. I remember replying that, though I didn't know Conroy well, he seemed to have good character and to be well-respected by the other students so I had no objections.
In the summer of 2004, Conroy was hired as RD at (now) Davis College, and the parallel lines of our lives converged irrevocably.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Retracing Our Steps
Two things prompted the decision to tell our story in detail.
1. I've read other blogs recounting their own love story. I've enjoyed the stories and have been blessed!
2. The Thanksgiving study has challenged me to recount and record God's faithfulness. I'm always so encouraged by this exercise, whether it's just a personal reminiscence or in a conversation with others, that I know it will be meaningful to me now.
Our story begins before we met. I love to retrace what was happening in our lives at the same time, literally oceans apart. I suppose I could start at birth, believing as I do that God had us in mind for each from before time began, but I will spare us all that lengthy of a retelling.
Winter of 1998-1999
My senior year of college. No man in sight with whom to share my life and ministry calling. My journal entries from this winter sigh and cry out to God for direction and sustainment.
A December entry reads, "Today, Lord, when the loneliness crept in, I offered it to You as a sacrifice.... Allow me to whisper this plea -- Let these times not be for nothing. May I know the joy of a husband's love. I ask that these moments of weeping be followed by joy in the morning..."
Uncertain of the future, yet desiring to be used of God, I began preparations to spend a year teaching English in China following my college graduation in May of 1999.
Meanwhile, across the sea, in Jamaica..... A young man receives the clear, unmistakeable call of God on his life. On January 17, 1999, Conroy asks his father if he can say a word in the Sunday morning service. Standing tall in front of the waiting congregation, Conroy turns and glances meaningfully at his own pastor-father, declaring, "This morning, The Lord has called me to be a minister of the Gospel." Over the next year , he makes preparation to attend an American Bible college.
1. I've read other blogs recounting their own love story. I've enjoyed the stories and have been blessed!
2. The Thanksgiving study has challenged me to recount and record God's faithfulness. I'm always so encouraged by this exercise, whether it's just a personal reminiscence or in a conversation with others, that I know it will be meaningful to me now.
Our story begins before we met. I love to retrace what was happening in our lives at the same time, literally oceans apart. I suppose I could start at birth, believing as I do that God had us in mind for each from before time began, but I will spare us all that lengthy of a retelling.
Winter of 1998-1999
My senior year of college. No man in sight with whom to share my life and ministry calling. My journal entries from this winter sigh and cry out to God for direction and sustainment.
A December entry reads, "Today, Lord, when the loneliness crept in, I offered it to You as a sacrifice.... Allow me to whisper this plea -- Let these times not be for nothing. May I know the joy of a husband's love. I ask that these moments of weeping be followed by joy in the morning..."
Uncertain of the future, yet desiring to be used of God, I began preparations to spend a year teaching English in China following my college graduation in May of 1999.
Meanwhile, across the sea, in Jamaica..... A young man receives the clear, unmistakeable call of God on his life. On January 17, 1999, Conroy asks his father if he can say a word in the Sunday morning service. Standing tall in front of the waiting congregation, Conroy turns and glances meaningfully at his own pastor-father, declaring, "This morning, The Lord has called me to be a minister of the Gospel." Over the next year , he makes preparation to attend an American Bible college.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
What If......?
So I was at the library recently, browsing titles while Jacie played in the children's room when I came across a book about The Only Child (I don't remember the exact title). I picked it up, surfed the Table of Contents, and skimmed over chapters that caught my interest. Of course, as a secular book, it was missing many of the Biblical reasons to have multiple children, but much of it was addressed to the parent(s) who did not plan to just have one child. Some beliefs/"myths" (their term) were cited such as feeling that your child will miss out on the "big, happy family" scene -- lots of playmates, forever friends, "us-against-the-world," "loyal-to-the-end" siblings. I found myself nodding in agreement --- this is certainly one of my great fears/sadnesses as I think about Jacie being an only child, even if it's just for a block of time. The book tried to "correct" that notion, saying that some sibling are competitors, fighting more than friends. It also alleged that only children are more confident, achieve more, and are happier in general. The book warned that children pick up on parents' projections, so that if a parent believes that her only child is somehow "gypped" of siblings, the child will pick up on this perspective and feel bereft and robbed, too. However, according to the book, if the parents are content with only one child, the child will not have experience any sense of "missing out."
As stated before, I took much of the book's reasoning with a grain of salt since it was written from a secular psychologist's standpoint, but it did cause me to re-examine my own attitude. Perspective is everything, they say. Some people plan for and want only one child. So they would view me as crazy to be upset or affected in any way by having only one child. Our perspective is also influenced by the people around us. As a theologically conservative Christian, I have deliberately surrounded myself with friends, family, books, blogs, and other media from this same conservative Christian perspective. Rightly so, the family emphasis of these sources celebrates children in unlimited numbers, encouraging adoption in addition to biological children. So as I mentally backed up to analyze my perspective after perusing the library book, I wondered how much of my sorrow and disappointment is based on an expectation that has been shaped by the influences in my life. Maybe the beautiful image of a successful Christian family = many kids, all happy, healthy, well-disciplined, and home-schooled should be replaced by the reality that God's definition of a successful Christian family differs for each one, according to His Divine Sovereignty.
This isn't the first time I've had to re-align my thinking from the Christian culture around me. As a single woman in my 20's, I did not fit the "good Christian girl" expectation of getting married right out of Bible college. I wanted to. The expectation was just as much mine as it was the church's. Bible reading, biography reading, and prayer brought me to the rightful conclusion that following God's unique plan for my life meant serving Him in whatever state He had me.
The connection I'm making between singleness and "single-childness" makes sense to me. Not that I will not continue to pursue God's leading for more children -- either biologically or by adoption or both -- but that maybe it's okay to have only one child. Obviously, this IS the state He has me in -- by design, not by accident. Doesn't belief in His sovereignty mean that we accept what He's given us, realizing He gives only good gifts? Sadly, I would be fearful to even voice this view to some well-meaning Christians. I know that the rebuttal will be "But I know so-and-so who adopted" or "have you tried this....?" Back in the day, childless couples just accepted their childless state and filled their lives with service. I know several older couples like this -- missionaries, Christian school teachers, and church leaders. Lest any of this rambling be misconstrued, I am so pro large families and I am so pro-adoption! But might I be so bent on fulfilling these goals/expectations that I miss God's plan for my family and me? Am I putting words in His mouth when I assume that a lack of biological children necessitates adoption?
Mullings... musings.... thoughts still in process....
As stated before, I took much of the book's reasoning with a grain of salt since it was written from a secular psychologist's standpoint, but it did cause me to re-examine my own attitude. Perspective is everything, they say. Some people plan for and want only one child. So they would view me as crazy to be upset or affected in any way by having only one child. Our perspective is also influenced by the people around us. As a theologically conservative Christian, I have deliberately surrounded myself with friends, family, books, blogs, and other media from this same conservative Christian perspective. Rightly so, the family emphasis of these sources celebrates children in unlimited numbers, encouraging adoption in addition to biological children. So as I mentally backed up to analyze my perspective after perusing the library book, I wondered how much of my sorrow and disappointment is based on an expectation that has been shaped by the influences in my life. Maybe the beautiful image of a successful Christian family = many kids, all happy, healthy, well-disciplined, and home-schooled should be replaced by the reality that God's definition of a successful Christian family differs for each one, according to His Divine Sovereignty.
This isn't the first time I've had to re-align my thinking from the Christian culture around me. As a single woman in my 20's, I did not fit the "good Christian girl" expectation of getting married right out of Bible college. I wanted to. The expectation was just as much mine as it was the church's. Bible reading, biography reading, and prayer brought me to the rightful conclusion that following God's unique plan for my life meant serving Him in whatever state He had me.
The connection I'm making between singleness and "single-childness" makes sense to me. Not that I will not continue to pursue God's leading for more children -- either biologically or by adoption or both -- but that maybe it's okay to have only one child. Obviously, this IS the state He has me in -- by design, not by accident. Doesn't belief in His sovereignty mean that we accept what He's given us, realizing He gives only good gifts? Sadly, I would be fearful to even voice this view to some well-meaning Christians. I know that the rebuttal will be "But I know so-and-so who adopted" or "have you tried this....?" Back in the day, childless couples just accepted their childless state and filled their lives with service. I know several older couples like this -- missionaries, Christian school teachers, and church leaders. Lest any of this rambling be misconstrued, I am so pro large families and I am so pro-adoption! But might I be so bent on fulfilling these goals/expectations that I miss God's plan for my family and me? Am I putting words in His mouth when I assume that a lack of biological children necessitates adoption?
Mullings... musings.... thoughts still in process....
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Misery Loves Company
Provided to me as a complimentary digital copy by Tyndale, Misery Loves Company is the story of a grieving widow who writes a negative review about her favorite author, only to find herself kidnapped by him in a misguided attempt to "teach her a writing/life lesson." The widow Jules lives a lonely, monotonous life since the murder of her police officer husband. An aspiring author, Jules spends most of her time online blogging about her life and reviewing books. Her online habits make her an easy target for the famous author whose books have been losing their magic since the death of his own wife. Fortunately, the story also reveals another layer with the unsolved mystery surrounding Jules' husband's death.
At first, I had a really hard time getting into Misery Loves Company. It seemed too trivial -- merely focusing on the writing habits of the famous author and the not-yet-famous aspiring author. But about halfway through the book, the suspense and action picked up enough to keep my interest. Misery Loves Company kept my attention and proved entertaining; however, it did not deeply inspire nor deeply move.
At first, I had a really hard time getting into Misery Loves Company. It seemed too trivial -- merely focusing on the writing habits of the famous author and the not-yet-famous aspiring author. But about halfway through the book, the suspense and action picked up enough to keep my interest. Misery Loves Company kept my attention and proved entertaining; however, it did not deeply inspire nor deeply move.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Joni & Ken: An Untold Love Story
Provided to me as a complimentary copy by Booksneeze, Joni & Ken is the story of a marriage that has stood the test of time, paralysis, cancer, and chronic pain. It is the story of two devoted Christ-followers who have counted it a privilege to suffer and through their sufferings to know Christ better. The "untold" part of the story is Ken's perspective -- his emotional pain, depression, and renewed dedication to Joni. For Joni fans, this book is long anticipated and eagerly received. It lays bare the thready, snarly underside of a masterpiece of a marriage. No marriage is perfect, and Joni & Ken are willing for the world to see that theirs has survived nearly insurmountable odds only by the grace of God.
As one who has devoured every one of Joni's books (some multiple times), I couldn't wait to read this latest revelation of Joni's life. I found Joni & Ken a bit more difficult to adjust to since this book is written in the third person, a change from Joni's previous works. I understand the reason for it, especially since Ken's perspective is a key aspect of the book. Larry Libby did a great job preserving Joni's writing personality and using her unique expressions as he wrote; however, the new approach did throw me a bit. Otherwise, the book met all of my expectations. Joni & Ken point to Christ in all their challenges and victories, spurring the reader on to a greater love and appreciation for our Savior! What higher accolade could there be?
As one who has devoured every one of Joni's books (some multiple times), I couldn't wait to read this latest revelation of Joni's life. I found Joni & Ken a bit more difficult to adjust to since this book is written in the third person, a change from Joni's previous works. I understand the reason for it, especially since Ken's perspective is a key aspect of the book. Larry Libby did a great job preserving Joni's writing personality and using her unique expressions as he wrote; however, the new approach did throw me a bit. Otherwise, the book met all of my expectations. Joni & Ken point to Christ in all their challenges and victories, spurring the reader on to a greater love and appreciation for our Savior! What higher accolade could there be?
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