Thankful for Disappointment

Tonight as I hit the "end call" button on my cell phone after a "goodnight" conversation with my husband away at a pastors' conference, I thought back to our dating phone calls.

In particular, I remembered one call when Conroy was away recruiting for the college during the year we dated.  I remember hanging up feeling disappointed. Disappointed that nothing "magical" had happened in that particular phone call. We talked, but he was a bit distracted or perhaps I was a bit needy.  Either way, my ego wasn't soothed. The in-love feelings weren't bubbling at the conversation's end.  Nothing bad happened -- no argument or disagreement -- I just felt flat afterwards, deflated somehow. I remember analyzing my feelings after the phone call last night and coming to these important and far-reaching realizations:

1. An emotional "high" is not the norm.  If my expectations for my (then future) husband included him stoking up burning romantic feelings every time we interacted, I was in for a lifetime of disappointment.  No single individual can keep us in the "in-love" state forever.  That's just not a realistic expectation.

2. Real love is steady. The fact that I usually did come away from our conversations elated, bubbly, and in love means that I'm blessed and we are blessed by a great love that's nearly always burning brightly.  But it doesn't mean that "flat" or "blah" times won't come.  The ebb and flow of emotions is reality.  High pitched, fevered excitement can't be maintained perpetually, but

true, committed love sustains us when the sparks don't fly.

3.  Phone calls are not my thing. I'm very glad that much of our dating took place face-to-face, We lived and worked on the same college campus, so we saw each other daily, even often throughout the day. These occasional road trips and resultant time apart requiring phone calls were rare and not the typical form of communication in our dating relationship.

So tonight as I hung up the phone after an "unspecial" phone call, I am thankful for the lesson of disappointment learned while dating.  My love for my husband does not burn hot or cold dependent on him stroking my ego or fanning the flames of romance all the time. And I've long since released him from the unhealthy expectation of having to intuitively fulfill my every desire (what an impossible burden that would be!). After nearly 10 years together, I know now with much more certainty than I did at the end of that long-ago phone call that the truth of our relationship does not hinge on butterflies after each conversation.

Advice to Dating Couples:  Date long enough so you experience some disappointment  -- whether it's with each other or with "love" itself.  Then reflect on the cause of the disappointment.  Is it a character issue in your partner or is it your own expectation that needs to be evaluated? Allow dating to be a time of learning, then apply those lessons learned to your marriage should you marry.

I'm still reaping the benefits of lessons learned while dating 10 years later!

THEN 

NOW

                  

Jacie's To Do List

A recent genius idea that my husband came up with is a to-do list for Jacie.  She is in love with the concept.

Every morning before he leaves for work (or sometimes the night before), he writes up a list like the one above.  

Jacie gets so excited about reading what she has to do next, then crossing each item off as she finishes it.  I am so excited about mornings when she's almost completely self-occupied, working independently, while I get some household chores done, sleep in, or have some personal Bible time/blogging time (like right now!).

The list usually contains the same items: morning chores, Bible reading and prayer, reading a specified amount of books, playing, screen time, and "schoolwork" (math or letter tracing/copying worksheets). The order of the last few items may vary, and Conroy usually changes the amount of books she reads daily, too -- adding one each day.

Math Bonus:  As she was counting out her seven books in her room this morning, I heard her say (To her doll? Or to herself?) "Did you know that 6 +1 = 7?"   Wow!  I love hearing her mind at work!

And this is "homeschooling" in a nutshell for us, folks! 

In other Jacie News....

The search began before she was born....  Probably before she was even conceived....

Coming from two parents who love education, books, and ideas, it's really no surprise that the education of our child was something we talked about even before she became reality.

Then five years ago when I was pregnant with Jacie, we came across this book:

Both Conroy and I were intrigued by the idea of classical education, so out-of-the-box from traditional/mainstream education.  I'd always wanted to homeschool, but I didn't have any clear plan or method in mind.  Over the ensuing years of Jacie's babyhood, toddlerhood, and preschool years, I researched and refined my own educational philosophy.  As her gifts and proclivities emerge, we are all the more eager to capitalize on and develop her burgeoning abilities.

Enter Classical Conversations.  This nationwide community group of homeschoolers meets once a week to support and reinforce classical education at home.  Conroy and I attended an information session  and an open house this week.   We couldn't more thrilled and excited at embarking on this educational adventure with Jacie.

Today in class we witnessed students as young as four giving confident, informative presentations on subject matters ranging from Abraham Lincoln to Hungry, Hungry Hippos. We heard them reciting Latin and the formula for finding the area of a circle, We watched as 4 & 5 year-olds were introduced to the concepts of probability and outcomes.

Jacie plunged right in enthusiastically, reciting states and capitals set to music while pointing them out on a map of the U.S.  After she saw the other kids giving their presentations, she even gave an impromptu presentation on "Why I Love God"  -- completely unprompted by us and all on her own!

How Classical Education works:  

Children learn mathematical, scientific, Latin, Biblical, and historical facts and terms through songs and chants.  While they do not grasp the concepts behind some of these facts and terms (ie., the area of a circle) at the younger ages, when they are old enough to grasp the concepts, the terms are already very familiar to them so the application of the principles comes more easily. The songs and chants to aid memorization require no more than 20-30 minutes of review a day.  The remainder of the homeschooling day is free to focus on the three R's and/or to flesh out whatever concepts the parent feels the child can understand.  

Ages 4-10 is the stage of memorization and factual learning (KNOW).  Ages 10-14 begins to apply and to work with the knowledge learned (UNDERSTAND).  Then ages 14-18 analyzes and teaches the information learned and formulates their own opinions and hypothesis (MASTER).

The Trouble with Intentionality

Life has become hectic and helter-skelter:

                         

       Schedules tipped on their heads.  

                           Sickness has invaded.

                                         Snowstorms have rudely interrupted. 

I sigh, "So much for being intentional!",  then quickly correct myself.

I choose to be intentional, not necessarily productive.   

I have little control over snowstorms and sickness .   But I do have control over how I handle myself and minister to my family in each circumstance.  Which is precisely why I choose "intentional."

Because the floor may still be dirty, but my conscience can be clean.   

My to-do list may be undone, but my child's heart needs met.  

My cooking may not be gourmet, but my family's soul can be "made fat" with the Bread of Life.

So instead of ticking off a mental list of what has been accomplished by the end of the day, I ask myself:

1.  Have I been kind and deliberate in my responses to daughter today?

2.  Have I invested in her life for eternity today?

3.  Have I communicated love and respect for my husband today?

4.  Have I used the time I had to myself wisely, for Kingdom purposes, and not selfishly or lazily?

The trouble with intentionality is that these questions are not as easily answered as a simple to-do list. They require more heart-searching and soul-deep honesty than is comfortable. Sometimes I'd rather look at the check-list than at the heart-list.

But at the end of my life, my Lord won't ask me how clean my house was or how creative my meals were or how artistic my child's handicraft was.   I'm convinced that leading a life of intention is the secret to hearing the longed-for words that every Christian desires one day to hear: "Well done, good and faithful servant." 

Ironically, living with intention usually means doing the mundane, daily tasks.  However, being intentional gives meaning to the task.  

It makes worship of our work. 

It brings inspiration to our interactions.

Being intentional means I need Grace -- so much Grace.  I need supernatural Grace because I am not intentional.  I would rather be lazy and take the easy way out.  

The trouble with being intentional is that it's impossible to do without God.  And therein lies the Glory of intentionality.  It requires complete reliance on God's Grace and enabling power.  So today, tomorrow, and this year, I go in Grace, endeavoring to do the impossible, for His Glory.

Word of the Year: Intentional

Challenged by one friend to simply pick a word, instead of making resolutions, I've settled on the word intentional.  Truth be told, it's been my mantra of late.  So why not make it intentional and select it intentionally for 2015?  (I'm going to be sick of the word before the year is barely begun if I keep using it this way...) 

Why intentional?  

Because it streamlines everything.  

It pulls me back to why I do what I do.  

It sifts the chaff of life and leaves the eternal.  

It strikes out gray areas. 

Intentional holds me accountable to my purpose in life -- to glorify God.  If what I do, what I say, and what I think doesn't accomplish the purpose of glorifying Him, then it's chaff.  It's out.  Sounds simple, right?  I like that.  Simple.  Back to the basics.  Back to living with intention.

As I contemplate how living intentionally will affect my day-to-day, I divide my life into categories -- categories reflected in the subtitle of this blog:  Marriage, Motherhood, and Ministry.  (I will add "Personal" to these categories because I cannot minister, mother or marry well without getting God and me right!) In the coming days, I plan to blog the list of intentional questions I am going to ask myself in each area.  (Perhaps you'll find these questions useful, too!)

So that I might say with the Apostle Paul:
"according to my earnest expectation and my hope that in nothing shall I be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always so now also, Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life or by death." Philippians 1:20

5's and 10's

For us, 2015 begins the year of the 10's to culminate in our 10 year wedding anniversary in 2016. Our romance began in 2005.  Consequently, I've got a wealth of yet-to-be-written blogs related to reminiscing about our romance.  I've told our story before, so this year of blogs won't be a complete re-telling, but instead will be a reflection and review of the golden decade that has been our life together.

From Christmas of 2005 - Christmas of 2014, we've been together for 10 Christmases.  That first Christmas 2005, we were engaged but didn't actually spend Christmas together.  I remember the angst of separation the most about that Christmas (read more about that here).  Living and working on the same campus meant that our friendship and dating journey had been without any real time apart prior to that Christmas.  As a result, I felt the week or so apart all the more sharply. For one who was used to and even at times preferred being alone, the shock to the pain of separation confirmed that he was my other half, that we were meant to be together for life.  That deep certainty hasn't changed over the past 10 Christmases.

Another milestone for this Christmas is that it's the 5 year mark of having a child at Christmas. We experienced 5 Christmases as a couple pre-baby, and now 5 Christmases with Jacie. Definitely, Christmas with a child is a lot more fun. The wide-eyed wonder gets better with every year, and this year was the best by far.  At four years old, Jacie really anticipates the holiday, gets into the Advent celebration, articulates the Bible truths well, and expresses joy and appreciation for gifts in a most eloquent way.

Christmas 2010

Christmas 2014

Our journey is just beginning.  10 years is significant, but still a start.  My prayer is that the foundation that has been laid over the past decade be one that holds strong and true in the decades to follow.  

My Christmas To-Do List

My mind swirls with what needs to be done:

• Baking
• Candy-making
• Making homemade gifts
• Wrapping gifts
• Shopping for gifts

I'm sure there's more -- I just can't remember it all right now.

So where's the wonder in the midst of the busyness?  Does the sometimes happy, sometimes stressful bustling busyness of Christmas automatically negate the wonder?  Where's the balance?

It's in the Advent moments like these:

• the lighting of the advent candles

• the joyful singing of an overly excited preschooler

• the full table of bowed heads thanking God for blessings

• the air of anticipation that hovers over everything mirroring the waiting experienced by the people of Israel so many years ago, wondering, waiting, expecting even as they went about their daily business

And in those moments my heart ponders the meaning and my spirit sings, 

Come, thou long expected Jesus, 

born to set thy people free; 

 from our fears and sins release us, 
                         let us find our rest in thee.  

 hope of all the earth thou art; 
                         Israel's strength and consolation, 
                          dear desire of every nation, 

 joy of every longing heart.