Broken Dreams, Beautiful Exchanges

Orphanage visits in Jamaica.  Coming home to our large, mostly empty house.  Wondering about God's plan for our family.  Will our home ever be filled with our children, adopted or biological (the latter seems less likely as time moves on)? Or is the Divine Exchange a home filled with ministry? As my 40s creep closer and the dream of a large family appears more elusive, I search for an explanation, an alternative.  The why behind the closed womb.  An answer to the daunting question of adoption (mounds of paperwork, red tape, waiting lists, and $$$ for international adoptions).

Down to the marrow of my bones, I believe that God's plan is the best plan.  But am I missing it?  Is the battle with infertility meant to push us to fill our home with children who need a home?  Or is it something else altogether since the means necessary for adoption doesn't seem forthcoming?  I am willing to exchange my dreams for God's best, whatever that is.  It's just the waiting and uncertainty that get to me every time.

Parking Lot Ponderings

A short exchange in the parking lot of the grocery store left me with a lot to ponder recently.  As I was putting groceries into the car, an older lady walking by jokingly asked where I found Jacie in the store and commented that she'd take 10 of her!  I laughed and made some reply.  The short conversation turned nostalgic fast as often happens when talking with a mom whose children are grown. She gave me the oft-repeated advice to enjoy each moment since they grow up so fast.  Her parting comment is the one that stuck with me.  She stated, "When they're adults, they don't even know you exist."  The mix of sharp bitterness and sadness in her tone filled me with deep sympathy for this mother (and all mothers) who've given their hearts and days to their children only to feel rejected by those same children in their old age. I wanted to shake the offending adult children of this aged mama, and castigate them for their neglect.

On further thought, as I drove away, I began to imagine possible rejoinders from these unknown adult children.  Perhaps their mother had contributed to the estrangement or lack of compassion in her adult children by the way she'd treated them while they were younger.  I thought of my mother and how my grown siblings and myself flock to her like a drove of bees to the queen bee when she's around.  Her manner of raising us and graciousness has drawn us to her even in our adult years rather than driving us away. The takeaway of the parking lot encounter for me was a challenge to win the heart of my daughter, not by being her buddy, but by being a woman she can respect and a mother who handles her daughter's heart with care.

Garden of Madness

Provided to me as a complimentary copy by Booksneeze, Garden of Madness gives the fictional account of Tiamet, Nebuchadnezzar's daughter who faces a web of royal intrigue during the time of Nebuchadnezzar's temporary insanity.  Scorned by her mother and desperately trying to escape another arranged, loveless marriage, Tiamet stumbles across a dangerous plot to usurp her father's throne while he's most vulnerable.  Throughout the story, Tiamet comes face-to-face with the Judean God, Yahweh.  She must choose His ways or succumb to the grip of the pagan gods who war for her soul.

Tracy Higley writes a fascinating historical fiction novel against the backdrop of one of the most captivating times in Biblical history.  I was gripped with the action and layers of plot development that unfolded throughout this story.  Higley is an author whose books I will read in the future.

Book Review: Covenant Child

Covenant Child by Terri Blackstock gripped me instantly and kept my attention from the first page to the book's final chapter.  Provided to me as a complimentary ebook copy from BookSneeze, Covenant Child describes the path of twin heirs savagely ripped from the arms of the only mother they'd known and given to relatives who only cared about the fortune the twins represented.  The little girls grew up in abject poverty and, left to their own devices while their grandparents squandered away their inheritance, developed survival skills including petty larceny and promiscuity.  Meanwhile, their loving stepmother watches from afar, anticipating the twins' eighteenth birthday when she can rejoin their lives and guide them to take over the greater inheritance that awaits them.

Blackstock's book is an eloquent modern-day parable of our destitute state before being made joint-heirs with Christ through salvation.  The latter half of the book also carries tones reminiscent of the Prodigal Son parable told by Jesus in the Gospels.  A quick and riveting read, Covenant Child will encourage the believing reader to revel in the mercies of our Great Father God, inspiring a fresh sense of thankfulness and insight into all that we have in Christ.

Book Review: A Jamaican's Journey to Time and Patience

Provided as a complimentary copy to me by Booksneeze,  A Jamaican's Journey is one man's recounting of his multi-cultural roots and upbringing.  Derrick shares his struggles to belong, to feel accepted and loved, and to make something of his life.  Derrick describes his conversion to Christ in high school as being the turning point of his life.  However, this pivotal decision does not prevent him from experiencing further heartache and floundering throughout his adult life.

Derrick writes with raw, unvarnished honesty in an almost confessional manner.  He relates incidents including the minutest detail, perhaps as a testament to his memory.  The agonies of his family history cause the reader to sympathize with Derrick, but those sympathies begin to turn to frustration as Derrick seems to perpetuate the cycle of family dysfunction in his own families despite his conversion to Christ.  Forgiveness and reconciliation between Derrick, his parents, and his siblings is described, but real life change seems to be missing from Derrick's own life.  Derrick himself proclaims the book to be more for his children, and I truly hope they will be able to learn from their family history and mistakes that were made.  On a more applicable note for the general audience, the history of Jamaica interwoven with the history of Derrick's ancestors makes for a colorful and informative educational experience for anyone interested in Jamaican culture.

Say the Name

A few months ago, Jacie started a new habit:  she repeats "Mommy, Daddy" periodically as she plays.  Perhaps it's a developmental thing --- repeating new words so they become ingrained into her brain.  But as this habit continued and I realized she wasn't calling for either of us, just saying our names, I began to ponder this verbal habit a bit more.  I know, I know -- I'm a bit over-analytical, but hear me out on this one.  Maybe it's more than just a developmental thing, maybe it's partially a security thing.  Who knows what goes through her little mind?  Perhaps reminding herself of our existence, our presence in her lives is soothing in some way.  Just reminding herself that all's right in her little world as long as Mommy and Daddy are a part of it.

And once again I learn a God lesson through the living visual aid of my daughter.  I'm struck with the idea of how the concept of just "saying the Name" works for me as a child of God.  How sweet the name of Jesus is and what comfort just saying His Name brings to my soul.  I don't know if I'm reading too much into my daughters verbalizations, but I enjoy the fresh reminder that God's Spirit brings to my heart from these moments!

Fiction for Real

Need You Now by Beth Wiseman was provided to me as a complimentary ebook through BookSneeze.  In Need You Now, Darlene faces the typical struggles of a mom with three teenagers.  She battles with her own sense of failure as she attempts to help her middle child combat an especially difficult emotional issue -- cutting.  Darlene's marriage is affected by this family crisis, and she comes to a crossroads in her faith and in her commitment to her husband during the course of the family's journey to recovery.

The real issues that Wiseman addresses through her work of fiction engage the reader from the start.  Darlene is a woman with real insecurities and needs to which any wife and mother may relate.  Her search for peace and fulfillment outside of and within her family pulls the reader in and keeps the reader cheering for this family until the sweet end.  A riveting read, Need You Now addresses real issues with an honest tone and hopeful tenor, pointing the reader to the One in Whom we have hope. For Beth Wiseman who is better known for her Amish fiction works, Need You Now may have been an out-of-the-box genre; however, this reviewer will be eagerly anticipating more books from Wiseman in the same vein as Need You Now.