Worsening PCOS symptoms lead to more doctor's visits which leads to the inevitable decision: Clomid or not? I like to think that I gave the natural route a fair shake -- two years and two different nutritionists before Jacie was born, and now radical diet changes to work on getting my body back on the right track. I still plan to be as natural as possible in my diet and way of life. But the fact of the matter is that I will be 37 this year and if I'm to have a child biologically, the window of time is narrowing.
So we will see.
We will see what the ultrasound results and blood work show.
We will see how my body reacts to Clomid.
We will see if I can conceive another child.
If not, we'll pursue adoption. The large $$$ amount involved in adoption and excessive red tape/paperwork are so very daunting to me. But if God closes the door firmly on more biological children for us, I have to believe it is because He wants us to be involved in the rescue of orphans.
Trusting and waiting = The story of my life. But it doesn't seem to get easier with each roadblock.
Each doctor's visit feels emotional, burdensome, weighty -- as in a physical pressure pushing down on my shoulders, making each step come sluggishly.
The second-guessing, swirling mental questions come at every juncture. Which method/advice/ "doctor's orders" should I follow? It's not cut and dried. There's no neon sign. There's no risk-free option.
So I lean heavily on Jesus. I trust Him. I cannot see the way. But He can, and He's there already.
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