"So, How's Homeschooling Going?"

Every now and then someone will pose the question to me "How's homeschooling going?"  Several answers flit through my mind -- each one incomplete by itself.  So here's my long-winded response:

It's bumpier than I expected.
It's hard for me to stick to a schedule.  I hate being housebound, so we're often out and about -- at the library, the grocery store, the local park, or even taking road trips to see family and friends.   So there are days when no formal "homeschooling" is done.  Other days we do stick to the schedule, at least partially...

But I'm okay with the bumps now.
At first, I panicked, "Oh no, we're not sticking to the schedule!"  or "We're not getting done by noon!" or "We didn't get to math today!" This reaction despite the "relaxed" philosophy I thought I had adopted.  I'm still finding my way...  I rationalize that she already knows how to read.   She's doing first grade math.  Do I really need to stick to schedule, to "home school" every day? It's only kindergarten! And we do Classical Conversations on Friday.

In the end, all the reasons I wanted to home school are still the reasons I love homeschooling

I love spending time with my daughter.

I love getting to be the one who introduces new concepts, listening to her articulate her burgeoning theology in Bible time, watching her mentally wrestle with and grasp math facts.

I love making up funny animal references to her misshapen letters and getting to crack up with her at her mistakes.  I love that she pokes fun at me when I make a letter that's not perfect for her to copy for her handwriting work.

I love that she loves me teaching her, too. Recently, while correcting her handwriting (not her favorite subject), she impulsively hugged me and said, "I love having you as my teacher, Mom!"  A golden moment.

I love the flexibility of apple-picking "field trips", the real world people skills interaction with grocery cashiers, and endless hours to spend at the library.  

In the beginning, I despaired of ever getting "alone time" again, even wondering if maybe home school isn't for us. But recent weeks have deepened the surety of the calling.  No one event or clarion moment sticks out, just a sense of rightness settling in: this is what I am called to do. These days, these years are fleeting.  My moment, my window of opportunity to make an eternal impression on my daughter is now. So I won't give it away; I won't subcontract teaching, mentoring, and shaping my daughter to anyone else.

Top 5 Favorites from my 5-year-old

My little girl turned 5 this year!  In honor of her birthday, I'm posting my top 5 favorites about my girl at this age.

1. Imagination Galore.  All she has to do is slip into her princess dress-up dress, and she's transformed.  She adopts this demure demeanor (NOT normal at all), and calmly walks up to me with downcast eyes and hands demurely clasped in front of her skirt.  "Excuse me, but why does a beautiful maiden have to work as a servant? "she queries in melodramatic, affected martyr-like tones.

2. Avid Conversation and Storytelling Abilities.   Once she gets started, you can't get her to stop!  But the discussion is so worth it.  She remembers every detail of Bible stories and retells them with a dramatic flair, acting out parts as she goes along.  She always has something to say (which is sometimes overwhelming to this Mama who needs her peace and quiet!), but when I take time to really listen, what a window into her fertile mind I get!

3. Creative Morning Wake-up Calls.  I never know what I'm gonna wake up to.  One morning it's her mouth pressed to the doorknob, singing "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?".   Another morning it's a made-up good-morning song.  I've seen homemade "letters" appear under my bedroom door.  Most recently, I was laying bed suddenly I hear the canned cheer of a crowd coming from the door. I started laughing despite myself when I realized the sound effect came from one of her birthday cards that she must be holding up to the door.

4.  Expressive, Independent Reading.  Even though she has been reading well for over a year, I still love eavesdropping on her reading aloud alone in her room.  Book after book, she reads with such expression and interest.  I joy in this shared passion, especially as we take almost daily trips to our local library in the summer (within walking distance, thankfully!).  She eagerly anticipates the newest book being checked out, reading the title aloud and even upside down as the librarian checks it out, jumping up and down with excitement and attempting to begin reading the book even as we walk home.  I so KNOW and share the same feeling and just revel in seeing it played out through her even at this age.

5.  Sweet, Uninhibited Affection.  Occasionally without warning, she will kiss my cheek or sidle up next to me with her hand on my arm. These actions always take me by surprise as I am not naturally spontaneously affectionate.  I am so thankful that she is, though, because it reminds me to stop what I'm doing and reciprocate that affection.  I also know there's a day coming when such impulses may be squelched, when reserve or resentment may replace such childlike expressions of love.  And I want to soak them all in today.  I want to gather them up and keep them like pressed flowers in the pages of my heart.

3 Reasons Why a Marriage Works

Last week, one of our college students from our young adult group at church asked for my feedback on a homework assignment (See below).



I had to think about this for a little bit.  Marriage advice articles are a dime a dozen online.  But if I had to boil down all those blog articles (including my own), all the books I've read, all the radio broadcasts I've heard on the topic, what crucial nuggets would I be left with? Here are the answers I settled on:

3 Reasons Why a Marriage Works:

1. A marriage works when two people are more committed to honoring God and their marriage vows than they are to serving their personal happiness. Marriage isn't all happiness and romance, so a couple has to be committed to stick it out through the tough times.
2. A marriage works when both people look for ways to serve, love, and honor each other. Selfishness cannot exist in a successful marriage. Each person should have the attitude of "how can I show love and respect to my spouse today?"

3. A marriage works when it's guarded diligently from potential wreckers -- coming from outside sources or internal (heart) sources. Both spouses should guard against any other human relationship usurping the place only their partner should have. And both must guard against bitterness, unforgiveness, or a critical attitude that can tear a marriage apart from the inside.

What would be your top three? Or what have I left out? Your thoughts, please!

Top Five Jamaica Favorites + One

A decade ago, I first traveled to Jamaica with my then-fiance, now-husband.  I remember leafing through the pages of his childhood photo album, noting the missionaries and ministry guests often seen in and out of Conroy's home, influencing his growing-up years.  In that moment, nearly 10 years ago, a vision emerged in my mind of getting to share with our children this spiritual legacy.  And now, 10 years later, our almost-five-year-old daughter is at an age where she can begin to understand the legacy she's privileged to have.  She's a second-generation PK on both sides.  Her legacy is rich. She gets to witness and participate in worshiping God from two different cultural perspectives, shaping her from an early age.

Hands-down my favorite part of our Jamaica visits.

In addition to this rich spiritual legacy, here are my Top Five Favorites about Jamaica:

1.  The heartfelt, exuberant worship in church -- nothing thrills my soul more than worshiping with brothers and sisters in Christ especially in another culture -- there's no greater bonding experience!

2.  Warm, tropical nights -- no hint of cold in the air, but a perfect reprieve from the hot days.

3.  The white gauzy curtains against the wooden slats in the windows of Conroy's childhood home billowing in the breeze, lending an aura of coolness, even if no cool air is actually felt.  Just looking at them refreshes psychologically, if not physically.

4.  Jacie's exuberant delight in the beach.  She's not much for the water, but loves playing tag with the smallest, lapping waves on the seashore and building "sandcastles."

 

5.  The food!  Ackee, saltfish, jerk chicken, pumpkin rice, juicy mango, breadfruit, plantain, oxtail, hardo bread, spicy bun and Tastee cheese.... my mouth is watering!

Thankful for Disappointment

Tonight as I hit the "end call" button on my cell phone after a "goodnight" conversation with my husband away at a pastors' conference, I thought back to our dating phone calls.

In particular, I remembered one call when Conroy was away recruiting for the college during the year we dated.  I remember hanging up feeling disappointed. Disappointed that nothing "magical" had happened in that particular phone call. We talked, but he was a bit distracted or perhaps I was a bit needy.  Either way, my ego wasn't soothed. The in-love feelings weren't bubbling at the conversation's end.  Nothing bad happened -- no argument or disagreement -- I just felt flat afterwards, deflated somehow. I remember analyzing my feelings after the phone call last night and coming to these important and far-reaching realizations:

1. An emotional "high" is not the norm.  If my expectations for my (then future) husband included him stoking up burning romantic feelings every time we interacted, I was in for a lifetime of disappointment.  No single individual can keep us in the "in-love" state forever.  That's just not a realistic expectation.

2. Real love is steady. The fact that I usually did come away from our conversations elated, bubbly, and in love means that I'm blessed and we are blessed by a great love that's nearly always burning brightly.  But it doesn't mean that "flat" or "blah" times won't come.  The ebb and flow of emotions is reality.  High pitched, fevered excitement can't be maintained perpetually, but

true, committed love sustains us when the sparks don't fly.

3.  Phone calls are not my thing. I'm very glad that much of our dating took place face-to-face, We lived and worked on the same college campus, so we saw each other daily, even often throughout the day. These occasional road trips and resultant time apart requiring phone calls were rare and not the typical form of communication in our dating relationship.

So tonight as I hung up the phone after an "unspecial" phone call, I am thankful for the lesson of disappointment learned while dating.  My love for my husband does not burn hot or cold dependent on him stroking my ego or fanning the flames of romance all the time. And I've long since released him from the unhealthy expectation of having to intuitively fulfill my every desire (what an impossible burden that would be!). After nearly 10 years together, I know now with much more certainty than I did at the end of that long-ago phone call that the truth of our relationship does not hinge on butterflies after each conversation.

Advice to Dating Couples:  Date long enough so you experience some disappointment  -- whether it's with each other or with "love" itself.  Then reflect on the cause of the disappointment.  Is it a character issue in your partner or is it your own expectation that needs to be evaluated? Allow dating to be a time of learning, then apply those lessons learned to your marriage should you marry.

I'm still reaping the benefits of lessons learned while dating 10 years later!

THEN 

NOW

                  

Jacie's To Do List

A recent genius idea that my husband came up with is a to-do list for Jacie.  She is in love with the concept.

Every morning before he leaves for work (or sometimes the night before), he writes up a list like the one above.  

Jacie gets so excited about reading what she has to do next, then crossing each item off as she finishes it.  I am so excited about mornings when she's almost completely self-occupied, working independently, while I get some household chores done, sleep in, or have some personal Bible time/blogging time (like right now!).

The list usually contains the same items: morning chores, Bible reading and prayer, reading a specified amount of books, playing, screen time, and "schoolwork" (math or letter tracing/copying worksheets). The order of the last few items may vary, and Conroy usually changes the amount of books she reads daily, too -- adding one each day.

Math Bonus:  As she was counting out her seven books in her room this morning, I heard her say (To her doll? Or to herself?) "Did you know that 6 +1 = 7?"   Wow!  I love hearing her mind at work!

And this is "homeschooling" in a nutshell for us, folks! 

In other Jacie News....

The search began before she was born....  Probably before she was even conceived....

Coming from two parents who love education, books, and ideas, it's really no surprise that the education of our child was something we talked about even before she became reality.

Then five years ago when I was pregnant with Jacie, we came across this book:

Both Conroy and I were intrigued by the idea of classical education, so out-of-the-box from traditional/mainstream education.  I'd always wanted to homeschool, but I didn't have any clear plan or method in mind.  Over the ensuing years of Jacie's babyhood, toddlerhood, and preschool years, I researched and refined my own educational philosophy.  As her gifts and proclivities emerge, we are all the more eager to capitalize on and develop her burgeoning abilities.

Enter Classical Conversations.  This nationwide community group of homeschoolers meets once a week to support and reinforce classical education at home.  Conroy and I attended an information session  and an open house this week.   We couldn't more thrilled and excited at embarking on this educational adventure with Jacie.

Today in class we witnessed students as young as four giving confident, informative presentations on subject matters ranging from Abraham Lincoln to Hungry, Hungry Hippos. We heard them reciting Latin and the formula for finding the area of a circle, We watched as 4 & 5 year-olds were introduced to the concepts of probability and outcomes.

Jacie plunged right in enthusiastically, reciting states and capitals set to music while pointing them out on a map of the U.S.  After she saw the other kids giving their presentations, she even gave an impromptu presentation on "Why I Love God"  -- completely unprompted by us and all on her own!

How Classical Education works:  

Children learn mathematical, scientific, Latin, Biblical, and historical facts and terms through songs and chants.  While they do not grasp the concepts behind some of these facts and terms (ie., the area of a circle) at the younger ages, when they are old enough to grasp the concepts, the terms are already very familiar to them so the application of the principles comes more easily. The songs and chants to aid memorization require no more than 20-30 minutes of review a day.  The remainder of the homeschooling day is free to focus on the three R's and/or to flesh out whatever concepts the parent feels the child can understand.  

Ages 4-10 is the stage of memorization and factual learning (KNOW).  Ages 10-14 begins to apply and to work with the knowledge learned (UNDERSTAND).  Then ages 14-18 analyzes and teaches the information learned and formulates their own opinions and hypothesis (MASTER).

The Trouble with Intentionality

Life has become hectic and helter-skelter:

                         

       Schedules tipped on their heads.  

                           Sickness has invaded.

                                         Snowstorms have rudely interrupted. 

I sigh, "So much for being intentional!",  then quickly correct myself.

I choose to be intentional, not necessarily productive.   

I have little control over snowstorms and sickness .   But I do have control over how I handle myself and minister to my family in each circumstance.  Which is precisely why I choose "intentional."

Because the floor may still be dirty, but my conscience can be clean.   

My to-do list may be undone, but my child's heart needs met.  

My cooking may not be gourmet, but my family's soul can be "made fat" with the Bread of Life.

So instead of ticking off a mental list of what has been accomplished by the end of the day, I ask myself:

1.  Have I been kind and deliberate in my responses to daughter today?

2.  Have I invested in her life for eternity today?

3.  Have I communicated love and respect for my husband today?

4.  Have I used the time I had to myself wisely, for Kingdom purposes, and not selfishly or lazily?

The trouble with intentionality is that these questions are not as easily answered as a simple to-do list. They require more heart-searching and soul-deep honesty than is comfortable. Sometimes I'd rather look at the check-list than at the heart-list.

But at the end of my life, my Lord won't ask me how clean my house was or how creative my meals were or how artistic my child's handicraft was.   I'm convinced that leading a life of intention is the secret to hearing the longed-for words that every Christian desires one day to hear: "Well done, good and faithful servant." 

Ironically, living with intention usually means doing the mundane, daily tasks.  However, being intentional gives meaning to the task.  

It makes worship of our work. 

It brings inspiration to our interactions.

Being intentional means I need Grace -- so much Grace.  I need supernatural Grace because I am not intentional.  I would rather be lazy and take the easy way out.  

The trouble with being intentional is that it's impossible to do without God.  And therein lies the Glory of intentionality.  It requires complete reliance on God's Grace and enabling power.  So today, tomorrow, and this year, I go in Grace, endeavoring to do the impossible, for His Glory.

Word of the Year: Intentional

Challenged by one friend to simply pick a word, instead of making resolutions, I've settled on the word intentional.  Truth be told, it's been my mantra of late.  So why not make it intentional and select it intentionally for 2015?  (I'm going to be sick of the word before the year is barely begun if I keep using it this way...) 

Why intentional?  

Because it streamlines everything.  

It pulls me back to why I do what I do.  

It sifts the chaff of life and leaves the eternal.  

It strikes out gray areas. 

Intentional holds me accountable to my purpose in life -- to glorify God.  If what I do, what I say, and what I think doesn't accomplish the purpose of glorifying Him, then it's chaff.  It's out.  Sounds simple, right?  I like that.  Simple.  Back to the basics.  Back to living with intention.

As I contemplate how living intentionally will affect my day-to-day, I divide my life into categories -- categories reflected in the subtitle of this blog:  Marriage, Motherhood, and Ministry.  (I will add "Personal" to these categories because I cannot minister, mother or marry well without getting God and me right!) In the coming days, I plan to blog the list of intentional questions I am going to ask myself in each area.  (Perhaps you'll find these questions useful, too!)

So that I might say with the Apostle Paul:
"according to my earnest expectation and my hope that in nothing shall I be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always so now also, Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life or by death." Philippians 1:20

5's and 10's

For us, 2015 begins the year of the 10's to culminate in our 10 year wedding anniversary in 2016. Our romance began in 2005.  Consequently, I've got a wealth of yet-to-be-written blogs related to reminiscing about our romance.  I've told our story before, so this year of blogs won't be a complete re-telling, but instead will be a reflection and review of the golden decade that has been our life together.

From Christmas of 2005 - Christmas of 2014, we've been together for 10 Christmases.  That first Christmas 2005, we were engaged but didn't actually spend Christmas together.  I remember the angst of separation the most about that Christmas (read more about that here).  Living and working on the same campus meant that our friendship and dating journey had been without any real time apart prior to that Christmas.  As a result, I felt the week or so apart all the more sharply. For one who was used to and even at times preferred being alone, the shock to the pain of separation confirmed that he was my other half, that we were meant to be together for life.  That deep certainty hasn't changed over the past 10 Christmases.

Another milestone for this Christmas is that it's the 5 year mark of having a child at Christmas. We experienced 5 Christmases as a couple pre-baby, and now 5 Christmases with Jacie. Definitely, Christmas with a child is a lot more fun. The wide-eyed wonder gets better with every year, and this year was the best by far.  At four years old, Jacie really anticipates the holiday, gets into the Advent celebration, articulates the Bible truths well, and expresses joy and appreciation for gifts in a most eloquent way.

Christmas 2010

Christmas 2014

Our journey is just beginning.  10 years is significant, but still a start.  My prayer is that the foundation that has been laid over the past decade be one that holds strong and true in the decades to follow.