In 8 Years of Marriage, I've learned....
#1 -- Marriage is easier than I expected.
Yes, you read that right. So many articles, blog posts, and books talk about how difficult marriage is, and I'm not denying that it can be very difficult. For us, it's just not, though. I braced myself and expected difficulty -- lots of it -- partially because I'd read so many of those books prior to getting married and partially because as a PK (pastor's kid), I'd seen the painful realities of marriage for so many people. Maybe Conroy and I are just really, really compatible or maybe it's because of all the reading we'd done beforehand (and during) and all the introspective conversations we've had (and still do have), but marriage is far more fun, fulfilling, and just easier than I'd anticipated.
#2 -- Marriage is not a cure-all.
You know that song that asserts that once you're "going to the chapel, and we're gonna get married... you'll never be lonely again"? It's a lie. Marriage doesn't mean instant or constant intimacy. It doesn't fulfill every ache, need, and desire. Only Jesus meets our every need. I'd read and thought I understood this concept, too, before I got married. So I felt mentally prepared, but I guess I still expected to never be alone on a Friday night again, at least. To always have "date nights." But many a Friday night, I've spent alone. Or at least not on a date. In my case, I chose ministry life and a ministry husband, so I don't resent that he's often gone. I'm proud of his calling and I love our life in ministry. But marriage doesn't mean constant companionship. And some nights, I'm still lonely.
#3 -- I'm selfish and I'm impatient.
Maybe the rest of you already knew that, but I thought I was a fairly patient and self-sacrificing person before I got married. God has used marriage like a mirror to accurately show me the depths of my heart. I love me more than anything else. Humbling to admit, but true. Nothing makes me more angry than Conroy messing up my mental timeline/deadline -- whether it's communicated or not. Schedules and timetables are not his strong suit, and in eight years of marriage, I've come to believe that God gave him this particular foible as the Divine Sandpaper to persistently rub away at my sharp edges. (God does that, you know. He designs your partner's weakness to chip away at you, to sculpt you into His image.) Knowing this truth doesn't always translate into loving, patient behavior on my part, sadly. I'm still a work in much need of progress.
The constant reminder of my own sin does make it easier for me to forgive Conroy when he sins against me. I often think, "How in the world can I hold [this or that] against him when I just responded so irritably a minute ago? And he responded lovingly to me anyway? I have no right get mad at him for [this other issue]!" Seeing myself as I really am is a surprising grace in our marriage.
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