Blurred Lines

I work hard to keep in between the lines.

When I go to work, I dress professionally.  I take extra time with my make-up.  I often wear heeled shoes that make that satisfying professional click-clack noise in the hallway so my students hear me coming.  For those moments as a teacher in a professional setting, I separate myself from mommy-hood and the messiness that comes with it.

But today the lines blurred.

As I was instructing away, a student quietly pointed out a Doc McStuffins sticker stuck to my black jacket. Lines blurred.  Mommy world invading academic world.  I smiled, blamed my daughter (to the students "awww"'s and chuckles), and moved on with my lesson.

I don't really mind the occasional blurring.  It keeps me human.  It's not like my students don't know I'm a mother.  They've all met my daughter.

The lines have blurred before. It's unavoidable, really.  On days when childcare has unexpectedly fallen through and my husband's and my schedules have clashed, I have brought Jacie to class.  And tried to maintain the balance between professionalism as a teacher and comforting mommy to a bewildered, unpredictable toddler.  It almost never goes well.  Either the students can't focus with an adorably cute little girl in the room (yes, I'm quite biased) or my daughter decides she won't sit and color but must be held the entire class period or draw on the whiteboard behind me.

Blurry lines are messy. So I work hard to keep in between the lines.  I work hard to maintain the appropriate face for all occasions, but sometimes real life leaks through.  Sometimes messy emotions kept at bay for too long bubble over and lines become blurred.

Maybe, just maybe, the lines are supposed to blur.  Maybe being genuine means I don't have to compartmentalize quite so much.  Maybe, probably, life is too messy for straight lines.  And so I smile as I pluck another sticker from my hair and wonder how long it's been there.