4 Ways to Cultivate a Healthy Attitude toward BEAUTY in our Daughters

"Beauty is only skin-deep."  

Inner beauty is of greater importance than outer beauty.

Every girl needs to believe she is beautiful.

Emphasize strong, capable, healthy bodies over physical beauty.

The above statements are just a few examples of the conflicting information we hear and read.  As the mother of a young daughter, I read the various articles, posts, and blogs regarding beauty with a thoughtful mind.  I want the best for my daughter.  What parent doesn't?

I want her to be ALL of the above --- strong, beautiful, confident, and healthy.  

But I also want her to be humble.  

So where is the balance?  What ought we to emphasize with our daughters?  How do we counter our culture's claims that beauty manifests itself a certain way only?  

1.  Compliment character more than physical beauty -- not only in your daughter, but in everyone around you.  If your children hear you commenting more on some one's generosity, kindness, or godly example than on her dress, hair, and weight, they will begin to understand the importance of virtue over vanity.

2.  Avoid complaining about your own physical flaws.  Children pick up on hypocrisy quickly.  If they see that we spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about our own looks, then no matter what we say to the contrary, they will get the message that beauty is of utmost importance.

3.  Teach your daughter how to dress, apply make-up, and style her hair according to her interest.  Does this advice seem to conflict with the first two items?  I think not.  We mustn't be like the Ascetics who despised the physical and only found worth in the spiritual.  Even the Bible speaks positively of Esther, Sarah, and Rebekah as being very beautiful women.  If we as mothers are involved in these beauty processes, we can steer our daughters to understated, modest application of beauty aids and styles while still allowing for and appreciating each girl's individual style. Some of my earliest memories and impressions of beauty are of my gracious and godly mother applying make-up in the morning.  Even though I anticipated the age when I would be allowed to do so, outer beauty never became an obsession with me as a teenager because the emphasis in our home was on character development rather than the physical.  In a large part due to this modeled balance of outer and inner beauty, I managed to almost completely avoid the beauty/diet craze until I went away to college.  When I see so many young teenagers in high school agonizing about dieting and fashion, my heart is so sad for them.  Teen years are hard enough without the added pressure and angst that emphasis on physical beauty brings with it.  I attribute much of my inner confidence and self-worth as a young adult to the lack of undue emphasis on external beauty during those earlier formative years of life.

4.  Comment on and compliment your child's strengths and uniqueness.  In observing current beauty trends, I've noticed an emphasis on uniqueness lately that is refreshing.  Teen models (while still too waif-ishly thin) are more "average" in appearance -- natural-looking and not cookie-cutter.  Asymmetrical features, uneven or gapped teeth, freckles, or even a pronounced nose are all acceptable even sought-after attributes by the agencies who want their models to "stand out" as different from the status quo.  While very little of mainstream beauty ideals should be paid attention to, this trend ought to be the way we teach our children to view themselves and other.  What makes a person unique is what makes her beautiful.
Focusing on and helping our children to see how their own unique qualities -- both physically and otherwise -- will assist them in developing God-given confidence and appreciation of His unique stamp on their lives.