A New Chapter

I sit in my pew and feel the surge of emotion that's welled up every Sunday since the official announcements have been made. God has called us to a new ministry.  We are moving back to upstate NY this summer as a result of Conroy being called to accept the role of lead pastor at Grace Baptist Church in Syracuse, NY.

For the past 10 years, we've been waiting, praying, learning, and training in anticipation of this call. So here it is.  Conflicting emotions surface.  We've anticipated the Lord's call for some time, but now that it's come, we're faced with the grief that comes from severing a bond that's been forged over the last decade.

And so begins a season of goodbyes. Three months of saying goodbye, to be exact.  It's hard to sit in this place of grieving, to feel the weight of the sorrow, to lean into the pain of severing ties. But it's necessary.  I'm learning that during this time. 

Standing on the threshold of a new adventure, we pause to look back on the last decade of ministry at Open Door. We've lived life, endured hardship, and grown together with the people of Open Door.  Our hearts are knitted to this place and this Body.  We've given birth to and raised our daughter here.  We've seen her faith become established and grow as a direct result of the influences of Sunday School teachers, Christian school teachers, and faithful friends. A piece of us will always be here, and conversely the people of Open Door will go with us "... because [we] have them in [our] hearts," as the Apostle Paul said to the Philippians.

Uncharted waters lie ahead.  But the God of the Unknown goes ahead of us and with us. He has never failed us and He never will. Where He leads we'll follow.

I anticipate blogging more about our move and new ministry in the future as we stretch and grow in this new chapter.  Stay tuned! 😊

Valentine's Day 13 Years In

Thursday was Valentine's Day, and we celebrated with roses and dinner out.  When we stopped on the way home for a quick Walmart run, I contemplated the difference between married-life Valentine's Day dates and dating Valentine's Day dates.  Though the anticipation of being picked up at my apartment and the mystique of that first glimpse of each other all dolled-up is gone, the exchange is exhilarating in a very different way.  

Instead of the dinner dates becoming ordinary, the ordinary has become magical.

Walking into Walmart for milk with the man I get to spend forever with makes Walmart the best date ever. Discussing ordinary grocery needs and checking account balances doesn't suck the romance from the day, instead it turns those discussions into the magic of our lives together. 

I'm not disappointed; I'm delighted. I'd rather be going to Walmart with this man than going to fancy restaurants with anyone else.

Proving wrong yet again the TV shows, magazines, and social media that make serial dating look like the enviable life and married life dull and lackluster.  I'd rather have gold over glitter any day.

My Word for 2017: Hope

2016 was not a year of hope for me. 

 

death, tragedy, and loss marked the close of the year. 

pain ebbed and flowed around me like an ocean tide. 

 

Since August, hopelessness has pressed down hard upon my spirit.

I have Jesus, so I have Hope, but the feeling of hope has been absent from me.

So for 2017, I choose Hope as my word of the year.  Not because I feel it or believe in a magical "name and claim it" kind of faith. But because truth trumps feeling. So I choose to believe the best is yet to come, pain has purpose, mourning will be turned to dancing, and the trying of our souls produces fruit that is worth its weight in gold.

I choose to find Hope in the clear voice of my daughter turning her piano practice time into a song leading service, urging her imaginary audience to "sing along."

I choose to find Hope in the spontaneous dance party that spontaneously erupted in my house last night as my husband and daughter broke out the moves to a favorite Brooklyn Tabernacle praise team song.

I choose to see these moments as gifts.   Rays of sunlight bursting through the clouds.

I choose to look for Hope. 

How We Prepared for Marriage Before We Even Began Dating

The ten-year mark of our marriage has me reflecting on God's grace in our lives and how He led us to one another.  By His grace, we have experienced a largely joy-filled, conflict-free marriage.  As I reflected on the possible reasons for this gift, I mentally retraced the choices we made and paths through which God led us before reaching the point where our individual journeys merged into one. What pre-marital preparations did we make (wittingly or unwittingly) that resulted in a marriage relatively free of strife and discord?  

1.  No Previous Long-term Dating Relationships.
Purely by God's grace overriding life's circumstances, neither one of us had had a long-term dating relationship prior to dating each other.  As if, in a unique way, God had kept us or set us apart for one another.  The huge benefits to our short list of past relationships meant that we had not practiced long-term commitments/break-ups with others that might have resulted in broken/scarred hearts.  Our hearts are whole, scar-free, and wholly for one another.  Mental comparisons or shared intimacies haven't marred the exclusivity of our marriage.

2.  Purity at a Premium.  Because of our Christian faith, both Conroy and I had determined from a young age that our bodies would be saved for our future spouse only.  I believe God honored our individual vows made long before we knew one another.  The unbounded joy we experience in one another in our marriage is, I am convinced, a blessed reward for honoring the sanctity of marriage throughout our single youth.

3.  Reading, Researching, and Reviewing Godly Marriage.  Throughout my teens and twenties, I read Christian counseling books on marriage and relationships.  Growing up as a pastor's kid, I saw the good, bad, and the ugly when it came to Christian marriages.  By my mid-to-late teens, I had a fairly good idea of what kind of marriage I wanted, and I had no illusions about a "fairy tale" marriage.  I understood that it took hard work and I had a fair idea of what that work might look like, thanks to my extensive reading on marriage and real-life observations. Conroy, as well, sought out mentors and read extensively on the subject of marriage.  This pre-pre-marital research helped us to lay the groundwork for a good marriage before we even met.

4.  Making Friendship a Priority.  Books I read in my late teens and early twenties shaped my thinking in this regard.  The concept that a person's character is most accurately revealed apart from the dating experience really resonated with me.   Observing the character of a potential mate in real life situations before the rose-tinted glasses of attraction/infatuation color his/her character is so crucial.   For Conroy and me, this really came into play.  Working together and co-existing on the same campus with overlapping circles of friends allowed us to know and observe each other's character long before we ever entered into a dating relationship.  We even had the additional blessing of a closer, year-long friendship with each other devoid of the usual need to impress one another since we were each involved in brief dating relationships during that year.  So when we did date, any pretense or "putting the best foot forward" was utterly pointless since we already knew one another pretty well.  (Which is why I say in our love story blog posts that when I said "yes" to dating him, I pretty much knew I was saying "yes" to marrying him!) The friendship we built before we dated has been the bedrock of our marriage.  We still enjoy each other's conversation and company as one of our favorite aspects of our relationship.

5.  Knowing Who We Were Looking For.  At the ripe old age of twelve, I remember drawing up a list of qualities I wanted in a life's mate.  I knew at least by then, also, that I wanted to go into ministry, so I was looking for a guy with the same calling.  Knowing who I was looking for helped to narrow my focus and preempt dating relationships with guys I knew right off the bat not to be the type of person I was looking for.  During my mid-to-late twenties as I really struggled with my singleness, the recollection of my focus and calling pulled me back from flirtations and "dabblings" with guys for whom I was tempted to sacrifice my standards out of loneliness and desperation. In the end, I readily recognized Conroy as The One because he was the first and only to fulfill all of my criteria.

6.  Focusing on Who God Wanted Me to Be.   We've all probably heard the cliche about focusing more on being Mrs. Right than on finding Mr. Right.  But deeper than a cliche is the understanding that God's purpose in all of life's circumstances is to confirm us into the image of His Son. When we align our goals to His, then we will seek to be transformed into the image of Jesus Christ first and foremost. Marriage isn't our ultimate goal; being like Jesus is.  I'm thankful for the work of the Spirit in my life, the godly influence of wise mentors, and the quality resources found in good books that helped keep my focus on Jesus during those pre-marriage years.

7.  Finding My All in God Alone.  More and more I realize what a "severe mercy" those long years of singleness have been in my life.  I have recalled and revisited the hard-won lessons learned during that time so often.  Because I had to practice contentment and complete trust in God as my Husband then, I am better able to identify and resist the temptation to rest all of my expectations on my earthly husband now.  I am used to seeing Jesus alone as my Source of joy instead of turning to a flawed, finite human being as the chief source of my happiness in life.  I'm not perfect at this discipline, but my years of singleness have equipped me well.

Nothing is wasted -- not the years of singleness, not the hours scouring my dad's office for another riveting read as a teenager, not even the flawed failings of our flesh.  God uses all these for His Glory and for our transformation.  The older I get, the more life I live, the more I see that God always brings everything full circle, even the seemingly trivial details. He uses it.  How grateful I am to be used of Him, a simple instrument in the Potter's hand.

A Decade of Delight and Disappointment

10 years.  A decade.  So many years of marriage...  So short a time when you're in love...

Looking back over the last ten years, I see mostly sunshine and roses with just enough rain and thorns to make us appreciate the warmth and sweetness. Chronologically, I would characterize our first decade in this way:

Delight #1:  After many years of singleness, finally marrying the man of my dreams and experiencing God's gracious goodness in the delight of our love.  Our marriage has been the "exceeding abundant" answer to my every prayer and has surpassed my wildest expectations.

Disappointment #1:  Realizing in the second year of our marriage that conceiving a child would be difficult for us.  Battling infertility has been the cloud in the otherwise sunny sky for most of the first decade of our marriage.  But through it all, we have found solace in one another and in the sovereignty of our God.  I often think of Elkanah's words to Hannah in 1 Samuel chapter one, and silently answer his question to his wife "Am I not better to you than ten sons?"  with a firm "yes" as applies to the gift God has given me in Conroy.

Delight #2: The blessing of our miracle from heaven, our own Jacie Nevaeh, born in the fourth year of our marriage when we had just about given up hoping for biological children.  She has been our gift that keeps giving as we delight in each stage of her development!

Disappointment #2:  Secondary infertility.  I mistakenly thought that after having one child, the "floodgates would open" and more children would come easily.  Not so.  Prayers and tears and more doctors' visits have proved me wrong.  But the same truths that held me during my years of singleness and then during the first few years of infertility have held me and have been my stay and comfort. I'm reminded once again to keep my hands open in surrender to the One Who loves perfectly and to relinquish my dreams as I allow Him to write my story.

Delight #3:  Ministering together.  "Two hearts, one dream."  We're in this life journey together.  Our calling unified.  There's no greater joy than serving the Lord, except for the joy of serving Him together.  He has replaced our dreams and expectations with His own, and we delight in discovering His unexpected plans for us.

So it is with the confident delight in our sovereign Lord's plans, that I eagerly anticipate the next decade (and more) of our marriage --  peering around the corner down the next corridor of the joyous adventure found in serving our Great and Worthy Savior together!

It Takes a Church....

Hillary Clinton famously said "It takes a village to raise a child."  As conservatives, we decry such a notion, loathing the idea of any secularized institution having a hand in shaping the heart, soul, and mind of our precious, impressionable children.  Unfortunately, I (and perhaps others) have assumed that the rightful opposite of that statement is that Christian parents are to bear the sole responsibility of raising their children.  God has been very creatively and deliberately showing me how wrong I am in that assumption.  

As a naturally independent person with specific beliefs and opinions on the rearing of my child, I have eagerly embraced the responsibility of raising my daughter in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  Conroy and I are intentional about regular Bible devotional time and prayer with our daughter. We expose her regularly and deliberately to children's Bible songs and Bible media.  Both Conroy and I were led to the Lord at our parents' knees.  Both of us were raised in pastors' homes and have Bible college degrees. So naturally, I assumed and expected that most likely we would be the ones to lead our daughter to the saving knowledge of Christ.

The church is dear to us and a regular part of our lives.  We firmly believe in the ministry of the local church and its important place in our daughter's live and in our lives.  But still, in my mind, I saw it as secondary to our home discipleship.  Then when Jacie was attending 2 &3 year old Sunday School, a shift occurred in my thinking.

In questioning her about her lesson after church as normal one Sunday, Jacie replied with the Gospel message -- the simple story of Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection to take the punishment for our sins.  For the first time, in her own words, I heard her articulate the Gospel.  Tears rushed to my eyes and the realization flooded through me that the faithfulness of her Sunday School teacher brought these eternal truths to bear on her conscience for the first time.

Fast forward to this year.  Jacie is 5, now approaching her 6th birthday next month.  My prayers for her salvation have intensified over the last year as I have seen her understanding grow and her knowledge deepen.  Also, I was saved at the age of 5 1/2 years, the truth dawning on me as the culmination of Bible teaching and exposure was ignited by the Holy Spirit in my heart .  So I had spent the year asking the Lord for the salvation of my daughter at an early age, as well.

Jacie attended kindergarten at our church's Christian school in the mornings for the last few months of school while I filled in at the high school in a long-term sub position.  I would pick her up in the late morning, and we would spend the rest of the day together -- either "homeschooling" or out and about.  One evening during our regular devotional time together, the topic of the children's Bible lesson we were reading related to salvation.  As I occasionally do, I asked Jacie if she had ever received Christ.  Usually her answers were evasive or she became silly and restless which I always took as the Holy Spirit's leading that she was not yet ready.  However, on this night, her answer was very serious and very specific.  She began to tell me how her kindergarten teacher at school presented the Gospel to the class during Bible time and encouraged them to pray to receive Christ if they hadn't already done so.  Jacie went on to share that she had prayed to receive Christ as her Savior in that moment.  I probed and questioned a little further as Jacie continued to express her understanding of the the Gospel and her faith in Christ.

The wonder hasn't left me yet.  God is so good to answer my specific prayer regarding Jacie coming to know Jesus as Savior at a young age!  Further, once again He sovereignly chose to use her Christian school teacher as the instrument of her salvation, once again, instead of her parents.

And so, I assert, with wonder and praise, that it takes the Church to raise a child in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  The body of Christ is meant to work together in sync for the procreation of the Kingdom.  How blessed are we to be a part of His body and how true it is that we are meant to need each other!

"So, How's Homeschooling Going?"

Every now and then someone will pose the question to me "How's homeschooling going?"  Several answers flit through my mind -- each one incomplete by itself.  So here's my long-winded response:

It's bumpier than I expected.
It's hard for me to stick to a schedule.  I hate being housebound, so we're often out and about -- at the library, the grocery store, the local park, or even taking road trips to see family and friends.   So there are days when no formal "homeschooling" is done.  Other days we do stick to the schedule, at least partially...

But I'm okay with the bumps now.
At first, I panicked, "Oh no, we're not sticking to the schedule!"  or "We're not getting done by noon!" or "We didn't get to math today!" This reaction despite the "relaxed" philosophy I thought I had adopted.  I'm still finding my way...  I rationalize that she already knows how to read.   She's doing first grade math.  Do I really need to stick to schedule, to "home school" every day? It's only kindergarten! And we do Classical Conversations on Friday.

In the end, all the reasons I wanted to home school are still the reasons I love homeschooling

I love spending time with my daughter.

I love getting to be the one who introduces new concepts, listening to her articulate her burgeoning theology in Bible time, watching her mentally wrestle with and grasp math facts.

I love making up funny animal references to her misshapen letters and getting to crack up with her at her mistakes.  I love that she pokes fun at me when I make a letter that's not perfect for her to copy for her handwriting work.

I love that she loves me teaching her, too. Recently, while correcting her handwriting (not her favorite subject), she impulsively hugged me and said, "I love having you as my teacher, Mom!"  A golden moment.

I love the flexibility of apple-picking "field trips", the real world people skills interaction with grocery cashiers, and endless hours to spend at the library.  

In the beginning, I despaired of ever getting "alone time" again, even wondering if maybe home school isn't for us. But recent weeks have deepened the surety of the calling.  No one event or clarion moment sticks out, just a sense of rightness settling in: this is what I am called to do. These days, these years are fleeting.  My moment, my window of opportunity to make an eternal impression on my daughter is now. So I won't give it away; I won't subcontract teaching, mentoring, and shaping my daughter to anyone else.

Top 5 Favorites from my 5-year-old

My little girl turned 5 this year!  In honor of her birthday, I'm posting my top 5 favorites about my girl at this age.

1. Imagination Galore.  All she has to do is slip into her princess dress-up dress, and she's transformed.  She adopts this demure demeanor (NOT normal at all), and calmly walks up to me with downcast eyes and hands demurely clasped in front of her skirt.  "Excuse me, but why does a beautiful maiden have to work as a servant? "she queries in melodramatic, affected martyr-like tones.

2. Avid Conversation and Storytelling Abilities.   Once she gets started, you can't get her to stop!  But the discussion is so worth it.  She remembers every detail of Bible stories and retells them with a dramatic flair, acting out parts as she goes along.  She always has something to say (which is sometimes overwhelming to this Mama who needs her peace and quiet!), but when I take time to really listen, what a window into her fertile mind I get!

3. Creative Morning Wake-up Calls.  I never know what I'm gonna wake up to.  One morning it's her mouth pressed to the doorknob, singing "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?".   Another morning it's a made-up good-morning song.  I've seen homemade "letters" appear under my bedroom door.  Most recently, I was laying bed suddenly I hear the canned cheer of a crowd coming from the door. I started laughing despite myself when I realized the sound effect came from one of her birthday cards that she must be holding up to the door.

4.  Expressive, Independent Reading.  Even though she has been reading well for over a year, I still love eavesdropping on her reading aloud alone in her room.  Book after book, she reads with such expression and interest.  I joy in this shared passion, especially as we take almost daily trips to our local library in the summer (within walking distance, thankfully!).  She eagerly anticipates the newest book being checked out, reading the title aloud and even upside down as the librarian checks it out, jumping up and down with excitement and attempting to begin reading the book even as we walk home.  I so KNOW and share the same feeling and just revel in seeing it played out through her even at this age.

5.  Sweet, Uninhibited Affection.  Occasionally without warning, she will kiss my cheek or sidle up next to me with her hand on my arm. These actions always take me by surprise as I am not naturally spontaneously affectionate.  I am so thankful that she is, though, because it reminds me to stop what I'm doing and reciprocate that affection.  I also know there's a day coming when such impulses may be squelched, when reserve or resentment may replace such childlike expressions of love.  And I want to soak them all in today.  I want to gather them up and keep them like pressed flowers in the pages of my heart.

3 Reasons Why a Marriage Works

Last week, one of our college students from our young adult group at church asked for my feedback on a homework assignment (See below).



I had to think about this for a little bit.  Marriage advice articles are a dime a dozen online.  But if I had to boil down all those blog articles (including my own), all the books I've read, all the radio broadcasts I've heard on the topic, what crucial nuggets would I be left with? Here are the answers I settled on:

3 Reasons Why a Marriage Works:

1. A marriage works when two people are more committed to honoring God and their marriage vows than they are to serving their personal happiness. Marriage isn't all happiness and romance, so a couple has to be committed to stick it out through the tough times.
2. A marriage works when both people look for ways to serve, love, and honor each other. Selfishness cannot exist in a successful marriage. Each person should have the attitude of "how can I show love and respect to my spouse today?"

3. A marriage works when it's guarded diligently from potential wreckers -- coming from outside sources or internal (heart) sources. Both spouses should guard against any other human relationship usurping the place only their partner should have. And both must guard against bitterness, unforgiveness, or a critical attitude that can tear a marriage apart from the inside.

What would be your top three? Or what have I left out? Your thoughts, please!

Top Five Jamaica Favorites + One

A decade ago, I first traveled to Jamaica with my then-fiance, now-husband.  I remember leafing through the pages of his childhood photo album, noting the missionaries and ministry guests often seen in and out of Conroy's home, influencing his growing-up years.  In that moment, nearly 10 years ago, a vision emerged in my mind of getting to share with our children this spiritual legacy.  And now, 10 years later, our almost-five-year-old daughter is at an age where she can begin to understand the legacy she's privileged to have.  She's a second-generation PK on both sides.  Her legacy is rich. She gets to witness and participate in worshiping God from two different cultural perspectives, shaping her from an early age.

Hands-down my favorite part of our Jamaica visits.

In addition to this rich spiritual legacy, here are my Top Five Favorites about Jamaica:

1.  The heartfelt, exuberant worship in church -- nothing thrills my soul more than worshiping with brothers and sisters in Christ especially in another culture -- there's no greater bonding experience!

2.  Warm, tropical nights -- no hint of cold in the air, but a perfect reprieve from the hot days.

3.  The white gauzy curtains against the wooden slats in the windows of Conroy's childhood home billowing in the breeze, lending an aura of coolness, even if no cool air is actually felt.  Just looking at them refreshes psychologically, if not physically.

4.  Jacie's exuberant delight in the beach.  She's not much for the water, but loves playing tag with the smallest, lapping waves on the seashore and building "sandcastles."

 

5.  The food!  Ackee, saltfish, jerk chicken, pumpkin rice, juicy mango, breadfruit, plantain, oxtail, hardo bread, spicy bun and Tastee cheese.... my mouth is watering!

Thankful for Disappointment

Tonight as I hit the "end call" button on my cell phone after a "goodnight" conversation with my husband away at a pastors' conference, I thought back to our dating phone calls.

In particular, I remembered one call when Conroy was away recruiting for the college during the year we dated.  I remember hanging up feeling disappointed. Disappointed that nothing "magical" had happened in that particular phone call. We talked, but he was a bit distracted or perhaps I was a bit needy.  Either way, my ego wasn't soothed. The in-love feelings weren't bubbling at the conversation's end.  Nothing bad happened -- no argument or disagreement -- I just felt flat afterwards, deflated somehow. I remember analyzing my feelings after the phone call last night and coming to these important and far-reaching realizations:

1. An emotional "high" is not the norm.  If my expectations for my (then future) husband included him stoking up burning romantic feelings every time we interacted, I was in for a lifetime of disappointment.  No single individual can keep us in the "in-love" state forever.  That's just not a realistic expectation.

2. Real love is steady. The fact that I usually did come away from our conversations elated, bubbly, and in love means that I'm blessed and we are blessed by a great love that's nearly always burning brightly.  But it doesn't mean that "flat" or "blah" times won't come.  The ebb and flow of emotions is reality.  High pitched, fevered excitement can't be maintained perpetually, but

true, committed love sustains us when the sparks don't fly.

3.  Phone calls are not my thing. I'm very glad that much of our dating took place face-to-face, We lived and worked on the same college campus, so we saw each other daily, even often throughout the day. These occasional road trips and resultant time apart requiring phone calls were rare and not the typical form of communication in our dating relationship.

So tonight as I hung up the phone after an "unspecial" phone call, I am thankful for the lesson of disappointment learned while dating.  My love for my husband does not burn hot or cold dependent on him stroking my ego or fanning the flames of romance all the time. And I've long since released him from the unhealthy expectation of having to intuitively fulfill my every desire (what an impossible burden that would be!). After nearly 10 years together, I know now with much more certainty than I did at the end of that long-ago phone call that the truth of our relationship does not hinge on butterflies after each conversation.

Advice to Dating Couples:  Date long enough so you experience some disappointment  -- whether it's with each other or with "love" itself.  Then reflect on the cause of the disappointment.  Is it a character issue in your partner or is it your own expectation that needs to be evaluated? Allow dating to be a time of learning, then apply those lessons learned to your marriage should you marry.

I'm still reaping the benefits of lessons learned while dating 10 years later!

THEN 

NOW

                  

Jacie's To Do List

A recent genius idea that my husband came up with is a to-do list for Jacie.  She is in love with the concept.

Every morning before he leaves for work (or sometimes the night before), he writes up a list like the one above.  

Jacie gets so excited about reading what she has to do next, then crossing each item off as she finishes it.  I am so excited about mornings when she's almost completely self-occupied, working independently, while I get some household chores done, sleep in, or have some personal Bible time/blogging time (like right now!).

The list usually contains the same items: morning chores, Bible reading and prayer, reading a specified amount of books, playing, screen time, and "schoolwork" (math or letter tracing/copying worksheets). The order of the last few items may vary, and Conroy usually changes the amount of books she reads daily, too -- adding one each day.

Math Bonus:  As she was counting out her seven books in her room this morning, I heard her say (To her doll? Or to herself?) "Did you know that 6 +1 = 7?"   Wow!  I love hearing her mind at work!

And this is "homeschooling" in a nutshell for us, folks! 

In other Jacie News....

The search began before she was born....  Probably before she was even conceived....

Coming from two parents who love education, books, and ideas, it's really no surprise that the education of our child was something we talked about even before she became reality.

Then five years ago when I was pregnant with Jacie, we came across this book:

Both Conroy and I were intrigued by the idea of classical education, so out-of-the-box from traditional/mainstream education.  I'd always wanted to homeschool, but I didn't have any clear plan or method in mind.  Over the ensuing years of Jacie's babyhood, toddlerhood, and preschool years, I researched and refined my own educational philosophy.  As her gifts and proclivities emerge, we are all the more eager to capitalize on and develop her burgeoning abilities.

Enter Classical Conversations.  This nationwide community group of homeschoolers meets once a week to support and reinforce classical education at home.  Conroy and I attended an information session  and an open house this week.   We couldn't more thrilled and excited at embarking on this educational adventure with Jacie.

Today in class we witnessed students as young as four giving confident, informative presentations on subject matters ranging from Abraham Lincoln to Hungry, Hungry Hippos. We heard them reciting Latin and the formula for finding the area of a circle, We watched as 4 & 5 year-olds were introduced to the concepts of probability and outcomes.

Jacie plunged right in enthusiastically, reciting states and capitals set to music while pointing them out on a map of the U.S.  After she saw the other kids giving their presentations, she even gave an impromptu presentation on "Why I Love God"  -- completely unprompted by us and all on her own!

How Classical Education works:  

Children learn mathematical, scientific, Latin, Biblical, and historical facts and terms through songs and chants.  While they do not grasp the concepts behind some of these facts and terms (ie., the area of a circle) at the younger ages, when they are old enough to grasp the concepts, the terms are already very familiar to them so the application of the principles comes more easily. The songs and chants to aid memorization require no more than 20-30 minutes of review a day.  The remainder of the homeschooling day is free to focus on the three R's and/or to flesh out whatever concepts the parent feels the child can understand.  

Ages 4-10 is the stage of memorization and factual learning (KNOW).  Ages 10-14 begins to apply and to work with the knowledge learned (UNDERSTAND).  Then ages 14-18 analyzes and teaches the information learned and formulates their own opinions and hypothesis (MASTER).

The Trouble with Intentionality

Life has become hectic and helter-skelter:

                         

       Schedules tipped on their heads.  

                           Sickness has invaded.

                                         Snowstorms have rudely interrupted. 

I sigh, "So much for being intentional!",  then quickly correct myself.

I choose to be intentional, not necessarily productive.   

I have little control over snowstorms and sickness .   But I do have control over how I handle myself and minister to my family in each circumstance.  Which is precisely why I choose "intentional."

Because the floor may still be dirty, but my conscience can be clean.   

My to-do list may be undone, but my child's heart needs met.  

My cooking may not be gourmet, but my family's soul can be "made fat" with the Bread of Life.

So instead of ticking off a mental list of what has been accomplished by the end of the day, I ask myself:

1.  Have I been kind and deliberate in my responses to daughter today?

2.  Have I invested in her life for eternity today?

3.  Have I communicated love and respect for my husband today?

4.  Have I used the time I had to myself wisely, for Kingdom purposes, and not selfishly or lazily?

The trouble with intentionality is that these questions are not as easily answered as a simple to-do list. They require more heart-searching and soul-deep honesty than is comfortable. Sometimes I'd rather look at the check-list than at the heart-list.

But at the end of my life, my Lord won't ask me how clean my house was or how creative my meals were or how artistic my child's handicraft was.   I'm convinced that leading a life of intention is the secret to hearing the longed-for words that every Christian desires one day to hear: "Well done, good and faithful servant." 

Ironically, living with intention usually means doing the mundane, daily tasks.  However, being intentional gives meaning to the task.  

It makes worship of our work. 

It brings inspiration to our interactions.

Being intentional means I need Grace -- so much Grace.  I need supernatural Grace because I am not intentional.  I would rather be lazy and take the easy way out.  

The trouble with being intentional is that it's impossible to do without God.  And therein lies the Glory of intentionality.  It requires complete reliance on God's Grace and enabling power.  So today, tomorrow, and this year, I go in Grace, endeavoring to do the impossible, for His Glory.

Word of the Year: Intentional

Challenged by one friend to simply pick a word, instead of making resolutions, I've settled on the word intentional.  Truth be told, it's been my mantra of late.  So why not make it intentional and select it intentionally for 2015?  (I'm going to be sick of the word before the year is barely begun if I keep using it this way...) 

Why intentional?  

Because it streamlines everything.  

It pulls me back to why I do what I do.  

It sifts the chaff of life and leaves the eternal.  

It strikes out gray areas. 

Intentional holds me accountable to my purpose in life -- to glorify God.  If what I do, what I say, and what I think doesn't accomplish the purpose of glorifying Him, then it's chaff.  It's out.  Sounds simple, right?  I like that.  Simple.  Back to the basics.  Back to living with intention.

As I contemplate how living intentionally will affect my day-to-day, I divide my life into categories -- categories reflected in the subtitle of this blog:  Marriage, Motherhood, and Ministry.  (I will add "Personal" to these categories because I cannot minister, mother or marry well without getting God and me right!) In the coming days, I plan to blog the list of intentional questions I am going to ask myself in each area.  (Perhaps you'll find these questions useful, too!)

So that I might say with the Apostle Paul:
"according to my earnest expectation and my hope that in nothing shall I be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always so now also, Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life or by death." Philippians 1:20

5's and 10's

For us, 2015 begins the year of the 10's to culminate in our 10 year wedding anniversary in 2016. Our romance began in 2005.  Consequently, I've got a wealth of yet-to-be-written blogs related to reminiscing about our romance.  I've told our story before, so this year of blogs won't be a complete re-telling, but instead will be a reflection and review of the golden decade that has been our life together.

From Christmas of 2005 - Christmas of 2014, we've been together for 10 Christmases.  That first Christmas 2005, we were engaged but didn't actually spend Christmas together.  I remember the angst of separation the most about that Christmas (read more about that here).  Living and working on the same campus meant that our friendship and dating journey had been without any real time apart prior to that Christmas.  As a result, I felt the week or so apart all the more sharply. For one who was used to and even at times preferred being alone, the shock to the pain of separation confirmed that he was my other half, that we were meant to be together for life.  That deep certainty hasn't changed over the past 10 Christmases.

Another milestone for this Christmas is that it's the 5 year mark of having a child at Christmas. We experienced 5 Christmases as a couple pre-baby, and now 5 Christmases with Jacie. Definitely, Christmas with a child is a lot more fun. The wide-eyed wonder gets better with every year, and this year was the best by far.  At four years old, Jacie really anticipates the holiday, gets into the Advent celebration, articulates the Bible truths well, and expresses joy and appreciation for gifts in a most eloquent way.

Christmas 2010

Christmas 2014

Our journey is just beginning.  10 years is significant, but still a start.  My prayer is that the foundation that has been laid over the past decade be one that holds strong and true in the decades to follow.  

My Christmas To-Do List

My mind swirls with what needs to be done:

• Baking
• Candy-making
• Making homemade gifts
• Wrapping gifts
• Shopping for gifts

I'm sure there's more -- I just can't remember it all right now.

So where's the wonder in the midst of the busyness?  Does the sometimes happy, sometimes stressful bustling busyness of Christmas automatically negate the wonder?  Where's the balance?

It's in the Advent moments like these:

• the lighting of the advent candles

• the joyful singing of an overly excited preschooler

• the full table of bowed heads thanking God for blessings

• the air of anticipation that hovers over everything mirroring the waiting experienced by the people of Israel so many years ago, wondering, waiting, expecting even as they went about their daily business

And in those moments my heart ponders the meaning and my spirit sings, 

Come, thou long expected Jesus, 

born to set thy people free; 

 from our fears and sins release us, 
                         let us find our rest in thee.  

 hope of all the earth thou art; 
                         Israel's strength and consolation, 
                          dear desire of every nation, 

 joy of every longing heart.

Our Out-of-the-Box Thanksgivings

Thanksgiving has always been an eclectic sort of holiday for me.  Living so far from extended family, my parents looked for alternative ways to make Thanksgiving meaningful - even if we as kids didn't always appreciate their intentions.

My Thanksgiving memories from yesteryear include:

•  faux Indian name tags (like Babbling Brook) at our place settings;
•  inviting over the people from church who had no place else to go either (like the mentally challenged woman who had no concept of personal space that we as kids groaned about inviting over);
• plastic tablecloths with magic-marker "I'm thankful for..." statements by each of us, carried over from year to year, a source of ribbing among us siblings as the names of the boyfriends written in indelible ink changed with the calendar year.

Fast-forward to my adult married Thanksgivings ~ Now both of our extended families live far away, so Thanksgiving is still on our own.  So the tradition, begun in my childhood, carries over, but with our own unique twists.  I admit, I'm not so handy or creative with the "fun" name tags, but we find our Thanksgivings to be a new adventure from year-to-year.

• One year, soon after we were married, we had a "very Jamaican Thanksgiving" with our close friends, cooking traditional American food alongside authentic Jamaican cuisine. 
• Another year, Thanksgiving consisted of a dozen or so international students from my ESL class clustered around our coffee table in our living room, enjoying their first-ever dinner in a real-life American home. 
• Last year, we had two Thanksgivings -- to fit in different schedules for different friends.  
• This year we enjoyed having our "adopted" college kids home with us for the week, cutting down a real tree (first time for them), and cooking turkey in a whole new way.  

So this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for the legacy my parents provided -- for the example of looking beyond ourselves.  And now we're pretty excited about our tradition of non-traditional Thanksgivings.  I can't wait to see where the next Thanksgivings will take us and who will grace our table next!

Twas the Snow Day before Thanksgiving....

Twas the snow day before Thanksgiving, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse....

Except for a certain little four-year-old girl, who sprang through the house,
Crying, "It's snowing, it's snowing!" with utter delight.

She sprang to the window, exclaiming with joy,
bouncing up and down like a wind-up toy.

As quickly as she could rouse her dad and her mom,
she had them scurrying to dress her up nice and warm.

Donned with boots, gloves, coat, hat,
she fearlessly braves the cold and the wet.

Within minutes returning to bang on the glass,
with a rallying cry to join her repast!

So Mom and Dad bundled up, too,
building a snowman and admiring the view,

Of snowflakes wending their way from the skies
and a happy little girl with sparkling dark eyes.

Perspective

Perspective doesn't mean absence of pain.

                                    Perspective doesn't even mean peace.

Perspective adds some sense to what would otherwise be senseless.

It lends a small tinge of sanity in an otherwise insane experience.

I think we expect too much of perspective.

We put too much faith in its power.

Yet we need it as a barrier against dropping into the abyss of grief, loss, pain, and heartache.

We need to know that there's a bigger plan.  So perspective gives us this.  

But that's all it can give -- knowledge, awareness, recognition.  

Not solace, not comfort, not assuaging of suffering.

The rational mind seeks perspective, while the heart turns away, knowing that what it seeks can't be found there.