Dangerous Disappointment

My spirit aches and my hand stretches out -- feebly, not too obviously (Heaven forbid, I seem needy!)  And then it happens:  the sting of rebuff, the gesture ignored, supplication met with silence.


Disappointment.   Dashed expectations.

Looking for comfort and finding none.  

My soul cries out, "Where do I go for comfort, for relief?"  And His Spirit answers, "To Me, Child. I'm always the Best Answer, the Greatest Comforter, the most Faithful Friend."

And I wonder when I will learn to seek Him first. When will I learn that He's always near to the broken-hearted, that He understands the sting of reproach and hurt?

I feel the ache and groan of living in a fallen world, wrestling with my sinful go-to responses to being sinned against.  I hate the sting; I hate the heart response of bitterness that wells up in my heart so quickly.  I fight against these sinful heart responses, at the same time feeling the futility of the fight, the relentlessness of the battle.  It will rear its ugly head again.  I will fight the same battle again, maybe in another hour, maybe the next day.  Self, wounded pride, and pity are not enemies that die easily or quickly.

But Who have I in Heaven, but You, O Lord?  Who else shall I turn to? You are my Faithful Friend, the Healer of my heart, and the only One Who takes my sin away.

Be near to me now.