My Christmas To-Do List

My mind swirls with what needs to be done:

• Baking
• Candy-making
• Making homemade gifts
• Wrapping gifts
• Shopping for gifts

I'm sure there's more -- I just can't remember it all right now.

So where's the wonder in the midst of the busyness?  Does the sometimes happy, sometimes stressful bustling busyness of Christmas automatically negate the wonder?  Where's the balance?

It's in the Advent moments like these:

• the lighting of the advent candles

• the joyful singing of an overly excited preschooler

• the full table of bowed heads thanking God for blessings

• the air of anticipation that hovers over everything mirroring the waiting experienced by the people of Israel so many years ago, wondering, waiting, expecting even as they went about their daily business

And in those moments my heart ponders the meaning and my spirit sings, 

Come, thou long expected Jesus, 

born to set thy people free; 

 from our fears and sins release us, 
                         let us find our rest in thee.  

 hope of all the earth thou art; 
                         Israel's strength and consolation, 
                          dear desire of every nation, 

 joy of every longing heart.

Our Out-of-the-Box Thanksgivings

Thanksgiving has always been an eclectic sort of holiday for me.  Living so far from extended family, my parents looked for alternative ways to make Thanksgiving meaningful - even if we as kids didn't always appreciate their intentions.

My Thanksgiving memories from yesteryear include:

•  faux Indian name tags (like Babbling Brook) at our place settings;
•  inviting over the people from church who had no place else to go either (like the mentally challenged woman who had no concept of personal space that we as kids groaned about inviting over);
• plastic tablecloths with magic-marker "I'm thankful for..." statements by each of us, carried over from year to year, a source of ribbing among us siblings as the names of the boyfriends written in indelible ink changed with the calendar year.

Fast-forward to my adult married Thanksgivings ~ Now both of our extended families live far away, so Thanksgiving is still on our own.  So the tradition, begun in my childhood, carries over, but with our own unique twists.  I admit, I'm not so handy or creative with the "fun" name tags, but we find our Thanksgivings to be a new adventure from year-to-year.

• One year, soon after we were married, we had a "very Jamaican Thanksgiving" with our close friends, cooking traditional American food alongside authentic Jamaican cuisine. 
• Another year, Thanksgiving consisted of a dozen or so international students from my ESL class clustered around our coffee table in our living room, enjoying their first-ever dinner in a real-life American home. 
• Last year, we had two Thanksgivings -- to fit in different schedules for different friends.  
• This year we enjoyed having our "adopted" college kids home with us for the week, cutting down a real tree (first time for them), and cooking turkey in a whole new way.  

So this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for the legacy my parents provided -- for the example of looking beyond ourselves.  And now we're pretty excited about our tradition of non-traditional Thanksgivings.  I can't wait to see where the next Thanksgivings will take us and who will grace our table next!

Twas the Snow Day before Thanksgiving....

Twas the snow day before Thanksgiving, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse....

Except for a certain little four-year-old girl, who sprang through the house,
Crying, "It's snowing, it's snowing!" with utter delight.

She sprang to the window, exclaiming with joy,
bouncing up and down like a wind-up toy.

As quickly as she could rouse her dad and her mom,
she had them scurrying to dress her up nice and warm.

Donned with boots, gloves, coat, hat,
she fearlessly braves the cold and the wet.

Within minutes returning to bang on the glass,
with a rallying cry to join her repast!

So Mom and Dad bundled up, too,
building a snowman and admiring the view,

Of snowflakes wending their way from the skies
and a happy little girl with sparkling dark eyes.

Perspective

Perspective doesn't mean absence of pain.

                                    Perspective doesn't even mean peace.

Perspective adds some sense to what would otherwise be senseless.

It lends a small tinge of sanity in an otherwise insane experience.

I think we expect too much of perspective.

We put too much faith in its power.

Yet we need it as a barrier against dropping into the abyss of grief, loss, pain, and heartache.

We need to know that there's a bigger plan.  So perspective gives us this.  

But that's all it can give -- knowledge, awareness, recognition.  

Not solace, not comfort, not assuaging of suffering.

The rational mind seeks perspective, while the heart turns away, knowing that what it seeks can't be found there.  

Today My Smile is Forced

so you're pregnant again.  glowing with happiness and expectation.  

congratulations flood you, surround you, then it's my turn to smile, to congratulate. 

And I do. 

I believe in babies.  I am pro-family.  

But sometimes it hurts to smile.  

Sometimes the congratulations feel forced. 

I don't want to feel that way. I want to feel nothing but pure, unadulterated joy for you.

But the lump in my throat is real.  

The pain that comes with experiencing my own emptiness again and again won't be ignored.

Depending on the day your news catches me, smiling may come more easily. 

 I may laugh, and exude more genuine joy. 

But then there are the days when I'm struggling.  

when the grief I thought I was done with is breaking me again.  

of course when you share your news, you can't possibly know that  I'm having one of those days. 

But I am.  

And today, my smile is forced.

Jacie-isms

Another Jacie post.  We've been having the most incredible conversations lately!  I love her analytical little mind.

Highlights:

Recently, she's been telling me emphatically, "Everyone has birthdays, even adults, until they're old enough to go heaven!"  (I like that perspective!)

This morning she complained that she didn't want to go to school because all of her friends are sinners. (Of course, I took the opportunity to explain that we are all sinners, but God wants us show love to each other even as He showed love to use "while we were yet sinners.")

She informed the cashiers at Walmart that she's gonna get a job there when she's 16, though at a later time when I asked her where she wanted work, she told me Target "because they have empty cash register lanes, so there's enough room for me to work there."

Her main goals in life are to drive a car and have a baby -- She told me that what would be the best "job." And that she's going to live in a house that we give her when she's grown up.

And, just when I think I can't be astonished anymore, I discover upon picking her up from AWANA that her paper is the one not colored, but with the word search done!

I love that I get to parent this little girl!

Still

Definitely not original with me, the words of this old poem by Harriet Beecher Stowe popped into my mind this morning during my meditation time:

Still, still with thee, when purple morning breaketh,
When the bird waketh and the shadows flee;
Fairer than morning, lovelier than the daylight,
Dawns the sweet consciousness, I am with thee!

Alone with thee, amid the mystic shadows,
The solemn hush of nature newly born;
Alone with thee in breathless adoration,
In the calm dew and freshness of the morn.
As in the dawning o'er the waveless ocean
The image of the morning star doth rest,
So in this stillness thou beholdest onlyThine image in the waters of my breast.

Still, still with thee! as to each new-born morning
A fresh and solemn splendor still is given,
So doth this blessed consciousness, awaking,
Breathe, each day, nearness unto thee and heaven.
When sinks the soul, subdued by toil, to slumber,
Its closing eye looks up to thee in prayer,
Sweet the repose beneath thy wings o'ershading,
But sweeter still to wake and find thee there.
So shall it be at last, in that bright morning
When the soul waketh and life's shadows flee;
O, in that hour, fairer than daylight dawning,
Shall rise the glorious thought, I am with thee!

Becoming Cinderella in a "Stepsister" kind of World

My four-year-old has become enamored of Cinderella lately.  We borrowed the original Disney movie from our local library last week, and it's only accentuated her fascination.  Jacie's adopted the language of the Cinderella story as suits her, recently informing me with an exaggerated pout that I'm "so cruel" when I told her she can't have chocolate chip waffles every morning.

The playacting took a turn this afternoon while we were out with her little cousin.  Rounding on the younger girl trailing behind her in the store, Jacie commanded imperiously, "Cinderella!  Come here, Cinderella!"  My sister and I looked at each other bewildered, and I queried, "So if your cousin's Cinderella, then who does that make you, Jacie?  The mean stepsister?"

And it dawned on me that --of course! -- It's more attractive to be the one giving orders than to be the one following them.  It's far more appealing to be the one using someone than to be the one being used.

The good old-fashioned Disney move extols Cinderella for being good as well as beautiful (By the way, don't you just love the morality of the bygone era when beauty and goodness were entwined?) She sings as she works, shows kindness to all around her, and meekly submits to authority, even unloving authority.

But realistically, who wants to be the servant, cheerfully waiting on the selfish demands of people who take her for granted? Who wants to give, knowing she will never receive in return?

Perhaps Jacie didn't analyze her choice of role-playing the evil stepsister with this much scrutiny.  She didn't need to.  The innate selfishness of her human heart kicked in, and she gravitated toward the role that gave her the upper hand.

Isn't that who we all are, though?

If we're honest, isn't there a streak of "wicked stepsister" in each of us?  

Wouldn't we rather be the one being served than the one doing the serving?  Don't we recoil with disgust at the mere suggestion of being used or taken for granted?

Oh, may I become like Heaven's Cinderella, the Son of man Who "did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."  (Matt. 20:28)

How to Compliment Your Husband

True Confession:  Complimenting does not come naturally to me.  I'm a natural criticizer.  However, criticism does not win friends nor does it make for a good marriage.  And I love to be complimented, so.... over the years, I've put two and two together and have made a concerted effort to be more complimentary to others in general and to my husband in particular.  

Easier said than done.  

Though I appreciate my husband more than words can say, I often cannot find the words to praise him adequately. 

Having read enough marriage books, I know that the compliments that matter to a man are different from the ones that we as women want to hear.  In my determination to love my husband better this way (Words of Affirmation are indeed his top love language, too), I have been investigating the best way to compliment my husband.  Based on this research -- marriage books, personal observation, and experience -- I have discovered the following ways to compliment my husband: 

1.)  Be specific!  

Hearing "You're great!"  may be nice, but even I like to know why or what prompted the compliment. It means more for your husband to hear why you think he's great.  (And chances are he'll repeat the action you complimented him for once he knows that it's a hit with you!)

2.) Compliment a quality, not just the appearance or action.  

Follow up that "Thanks for taking out the garbage." with "You're always so helpful!" or "I love that I can count on you!"  Then watch your man light up like a candle when he feels appreciated as a person and not just for what he does.

3.) Compliment him on how he makes you feel.  

Men place great importance on their ability to make their wives feel secure, protected, and loved.  His masculinity and view of himself as a successful husband is directly connected to these abilities.  Your telling him that he makes you feel special or valued or safe assures him that he's doing his job well. And for a man, "doing his job" appeals more to him than hearing that the color of his shirt matches his eyes.

4.) Tell him that you're proud of him and that you respect him. 

The book Love & Respect promotes the idea that men are more moved and motivated by respect, while women need to feel loved.  Other marriage books have corroborated this assertion.  A compliment that communicates respect for your husband goes further with him than even an "I love you."  (I know this reads like Greek to the average woman, but trust me on this one.)

5.) Praise him publicly.

As opposed to ever, ever putting him down in public  -- a sad, but very commonly accepted practice in our society today and one that's so easy to get sucked into.  Instead, look for ways to praise him.  It takes more effort than the reverse practice because it's counter cultural, but make the effort! 

 I've seen this done in a syrupy, starry-eyed, still-in-the-honeymoon-phase fashion, and it leaves everyone slightly embarrassed or smiling indulgently.  But it doesn't have to be done that way.  Any prolonged conversation at a social gathering usually covers jobs, daily routines, parenting, or perhaps even how the various couples met.  All of these topics provide ample opportunity for you to build up your husband publicly.  

When talking about daily routine, mention how patient your husband is with your failed cooking attempts, projects he's successfully completed around the house, or how he helps out with the kids so you can get other things done.  

When talking about jobs, reinforce what a hard worker he is or how he's always helping others out. 

 My favorite opportunity to praise my husband publicly is when we get to talk about how we met.  I use this story as a way to promote the godly attributes that drew me to my husband in the first place. After one such retelling of our love story, the man across the restaurant table with whom we were conversing looked at Conroy and asserted, "I bet you love it when she tells that story!"  I wasn't sure whether he was being sarcastic or not, but I decided to take it as a compliment to both of us. Apparently the "public praise" was noticeable enough to elicit a response!  

And really, how would you rather be known?  As the wife who embarrasses herself, her husband, and everyone around them because she is known for criticizing her husband or the wife who thinks the world of her husband and is proud to say so?

4 Signs Your 4-Year-Old May Have a Frozen Fixation

1.  She wakes you up in the morning with a knock on the bedroom door and a cheery "It's Coronation Day!"  proclamation.

2.  When role-playing the movie, she corrects your "frozen" stance, adjusting your arms to correctly simulate the posture in which Anna was frozen at the end of the movie.

3.   She knows that Anna and Elsa are from Arendelle (and knows how to correctly pronounce it), but doesn't know what the name of her own state is.

4.  Deep, analytical conversations involving Anna and Elsa's moods and motivations at key points in the movie. "Mommy, Elsa was happy when she was in the ice castle she made, but Anna was sad when Elsa hurt her."

Yes.  This is my daughter.  This is my life right now.  And don't think I can't see all you moms of little girls nodding your heads in agreement through the computer as you read this, because I can and I do.

Empty

Our house has empty rooms. Waiting. At times filled temporarily with guests. One person, then another, finding transient rest in one of the empty bedrooms. I close the doors compulsively as I walk by after tidying up the central room, putting away folded clothes -- perhaps if the doors are closed the empty rooms will be forgotten, set aside, put on the back burner.

But ignored rooms don't go away. And emptiness rings hollow. Like a dull gong sounding deep in the recesses of the heart. Empty. Barren. The symbolism cannot be ignored. And the words echo relentlessly: Empty...  Empty ...  Empty...

Then, like a whisper in my soul, the dull echo begins to sing. Quietly at first, the lyrics turn the gong into a song:  "Empty hands held high. Such small sacrifice..." 

    Lord I give my life

A living sacrifice

  To reach a world in need

    To be Your hands and feet...

And I know it's true -- if my hands are empty, it's to raise them as an offering to my King.  The wracking of my brain to figure out what to do with the emptiness is answered in these simple lyrics -- offer the emptiness to Him.  A small sacrifice in light of Calvary. My life, my dreams, in exchange for Him. 

So with joyful, painful relief, my soul bursts into full song: 

Let my lifesong sing to You!

I want to sign Your name to the end of this day

Knowing that my heart was true

Let my lifesong sing to You.

(Lyrics by Casting Crowns)

Jacie-isms

Walking to the library recently, Jacie held the book in front of her, reading as she crossed the parking lot -- evidently trying to squeeze the last few moments out of an oft-read book that we were about to return.

Sighing melodramatically, she stated equally dramatically, " Mommy, I'm really, really sad to return these books.  But I'm so excited to get new ones!"

And that, so eloquently stated, is the heartfelt dilemma of every book lover.  I smiled in true commiseration at her comment, heart overwhelmed yet again at the very kindred spirit of my book-lovin' girl!

Is My Child Safe?

One of the great internal battles I have as a parent is the legitimacy of assuring my daughter she is safe.

I'm quite convinced she's safe from the lamp's shadow on the wall that she fears.

I have no doubt that she's safe from the monsters that live under her bed.

But when I remind her to turn her fears to God and trust in Him, there's that niggling doubt in the back of my mind....  "But God may not keep her safe tonight.  Thieves may rob us in the night. Terrors that she cannot imagine may come unannounced. Can I really in full honesty assure her of safety?" 

Then I came across this verse in Psalm 68: "God is to us a God of deliverances; and to God The Lord belong escapes from death." The commentaries I read reminded the reader that God is sovereign over the time and circumstances of our death.  As believers, we are sovereignly safe -- even dangers are carefully sifted through His sovereign hand.  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego voiced this truth in Daniel 3:17-18 when they told the king that God may or may not rescue them.  Esther voiced similar confidence in God's sovereignty when she uttered her famous statement  "...and if I perish, I perish."

In each of these situations, people of the Bible were confidently proclaiming their trust in God's sovereignty -- that safety that comes with knowing Him.

With this simple review of Scriptural truth, I felt the sweet peace of God's sovereignty come to roost in my heart.  There may be dangers along my daughter's life journey that would whelm my heart were I to know them in advance.  However, I can safely trust her to The Father's sovereign care, knowing that nothing comes her way that He hasn't granted.  And I can encourage her to rest in His sovereignty -- to rest in the same sweet peace that allowed David to sleep in the very face of danger:  "I will lie down  and sleep in peace, for You alone, OLord will make me to dwell in safety." (Psalm 4:8)

The REAL Reason I send Jacie to School....

My big four-year-old headed off to school today (yes, I know I wrote yesterday about homeschooling, but for now we're enjoying the best of both worlds!).  

She awoke early, chipper and cheerily anticipating school today.  She knocked on our bedroom door and called, "Is it time for school yet?" way too early....  When we groggily responded, "No, not yet.  Go play until we tell you."  She obediently scampered off (oh, how I've longed for this day -- when she's finally old enough to "go play" and let me catch a few more winks!).

After feeding her, dressing her, loading her backpack, I watched her run out the door with her dad and jump into the car.   As I closed the door behind them and walked back into the house, I thought, "Now THIS is why I like school!"

Why do I REALLY send my daughter to school two days a week?

1.) For the blissful peace and quiet of a house to myself for a few hours.  Ahhh!

2.) For the breakfast or lunch date hubby and I get to indulge in without finding a babysitter.

Those are MY reasons.

Jacie loves school.  I'm glad for the opportunity for her to interact with her peers on a limited basis, especially since she has no playmates at home.  I'm thankful for the Christian teachers who are faithful, committed, whom I know personally, and have complete trust in their character.  I know that she's in a safe environment.

This is how Jacie benefits.

But I cannot get past the heartfelt, soul-deep conviction I have that it is MY job to train, teach, and raise my child.  That is why I say two days a week and no more.  Because I want to be the chief influence in my daughter's life  -- the chief teacher, the chief, shaper and molder.  At least for now during these young, tender years.

Do I love my peace and quiet?  Do I love my freedom?  YES!  But even that love makes me leery of my own motives.  My freedom is not worth abdicating my responsibility.  I have been given a commission from the moment my daughter was entrusted to me by God, and I fully intend to be the one, alongside my husband, to carry out that God-given responsibility.

One day, I won't have the "best of both worlds" option.  One day the fork in the road will come, and I must be all in one way or another.  On that day, as on this day, I will choose the path to which God has called me.  The course for which I and my husband alone must answer when God asks us, "What did YOU do to raise your child in the nurture and admonition of the LORD?"

Learning Adventures at Home

Tuesday, August 26

Today Jacie asked to color, and I gave her a choice between numbers, shapes, and letters.  She chose this rectangle worksheet.  Because she can read the directions by herself, she was able to complete the whole worksheet with no input from me.

(I did help her with the 5.)

I'm so excited that she's writing on her own!  A few months ago, I tried to encourage her to write short words, and she protested with "I can't!"  Now she's writing on her own without being asked!

Other activities today included PlayDough art, and educational TV =  Sesame Street with the letter "I" and Daniel Tiger discussing how to handle feelings/emotions, specifically frustration.  

We also talked about money denominations and values after Jacie asked for coins to put in her newly painted cupcake bank.  She earned a nickel by cleaning up the living room for me!

Learning Adventures at Home

Monday, August 25

Jacie drew a basketball, a dog, and a church this morning.  She labeled the dog and the church to the best of her ability.  I discovered these in the morning after breakfast.  She had done them on her own before breakfast.  Look where personal learning and discovery leads!

basketball

Art time consisted of painting a cupcake bank she got for her birthday.  She was especially concerned about making sure the dots were colored just right!

Other activities today were fairly typical -- reading time on her own and with me, Bible stories, some educational TV/iPad time, nap, and outside time. I really don't think the skills, development, and learning accomplished in a typical day at home can be quantified!

Educating at Home

My world and my newsfeed is abuzz with "back to school" or "first day of school" chatter.  Caught up in it, I'm eager to dress my child up, load her with a backpack and send her off to that magical place called "school."  And I do -- a couple days a week anyway.

But as an educator, a reader, and one who's been exposed to many different educational styles, I'm thinking through this whole process of education. Actually, I've been thinking it through long before I ever had a child.  I began the process of analyzing my thoughts on education as a teenager when I compared my elementary homeschool days to my junior high and high school years in a non-traditional Christian school.  As a young adult working as a behavioral health aide in the public schools, I further processed the type of learning mold squirmy 5 and 6 year olds were herded into on a daily basis.  I didn't like what I saw there. I remember a free-wheeling family in my church where I grew up firmly advocate and implement the "unschooling" philosophy where their children's interests were completely self-directed and unchecked/corrected.

My take? Perhaps something in between.  I saw the phrase "relaxed homeschooling" when I googled a name to give to my approach.  I also saw "unstructured homeschooling." I want my child to learn discipline and structure.  My theology will not allow me to have a completely child-centered, child-directed approach to schooling.  However, my  experience and observations shows me that forcing kids into a highly structured learning environment at a young age will surely and almost certainly create a distaste for school and a hatred for learning by default.  I want something different for my daughter.  I want to foster and promote her natural love for learning.  I believe all kids do naturally love learning, to a degree  -- it may be just a matter of finding their interest or learning style that when capitalized upon comes to life.  I can't speak from years of parental experience.  I am a teacher and have taught all ages. I have been a student in many different types of educational settings.  Now I embark on the journey of pursuing the best course of education for my daughter.

The following blogs will chart my journey.  Embrace and enjoy the journey with me, and feel free to share thoughts and ideas from your own journeys.

Why Theology is More Important than any Marriage or Parenting Book

Reading marriage books is a popcorn-like addiction for me (and I really like popcorn, just ask my husband).  I started reading marriage books as a teenager -- then mostly for the illustrations, but also since I wanted to be a counselor one day.  I would think "It's just so simple. Do A, B, and C and you'll have a dream marriage!"

I gravitate to parenting books in the same way.  "What new trick or technique or insight will transform me into a stellar parent?" I think.   And then I also mentally bemoaned, "Oh, if only so-and-so would just read this book, implement that strategy, or understand this idea -- all his/her problems would be solved!"

Now don't get me wrong.  Christian marriage books and parenting books can be very helpful and enlightening. But they are not magic bullets.

The church is not just one tip away from transforming marriage. 

 "If only the church would have this seminar or that training on marriage or parenting," I've often heard the lament.  But that seminar or this training will not transform your marriage or your parenting. Theology will.

I know, I know -- to most people "theology" is a stuffy, dead word. But that's because most people don't know what it means.  "Theology" literally means "the study of God."

Do we believe that knowing God is the most important knowledge to have? 

Do we really believe that knowing Him transforms our lives to the core -- from the inside out, beginning with our own hearts and filtering out into our relationships, especially those closest to us like our spouse and kids? 

If we really believe that knowing God makes all the difference, why does it come as a surprise to us that our theology is more important to our marriage and our parenting than the latest book on communication?

Four Reasons Theology Matters More:

1. Theology helps me understand the complete and ruinous nature of sin.  When I understand that I am a sinner, my spouse is a sinner, and my children our sinners, I will cease being shocked and disillusioned but their sin. I will not have impossible expectations for my spouse and my children.  I will not automatically expect that marriage will be a bed of roses and my children will behave like angels all the time. In one article I read recently, the author blamed the church for her unhappiness in her marriage with a line of reasoning that went something like "the church should have warned me that even if I did everything right in my dating relationship, my marriage would still be hard and frustrating at times." My husband's comment in response to my sharing the gist with him was to point out her lack of understanding the theology of sin.  As is so succinctly stated in the movie Princess Bride, "Life is difficult, Highness. Anyone who tells you different is selling something."  When I understand that sin has taken everything that God created perfect and has twisted it, I will cease to be surprised by sin's presence in my relationships.

2.  Theology highlights my inability and points to my need for God's intervention.  If I am convinced of my sinfulness, I will recognize my need for God in all of my interactions.  I will pray more for God's help as I seek to love my husband and raise my children in The Lord.  I will be Spirit led rather than self led. I will be humble and quick to ask for forgiveness.  This broken spirit will transform my relationships.

3. Theology reminds me that I have been forgiven much so I must forgive others. If you were raised in a Christian home, Ephesians 4:32 was probably one of the first verses you memorized as a child.  The last part is especially relevant here ~

 "...forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you." 

As a child, I had no idea of the depth of theology packed into that short, familiar phrase.  Time and attention span fail me when it comes to unpacking all of the ramifications of God's forgiveness of my sin due to Christ's work on the cross, but suffice it to say -- I have no business becoming bitter or holding a grudge against my spouse or child when I understand how great a debt God forgave me.

4.  Theology equips me to do what I cannot do on my own. Understanding scripture informs me that I have the strength, power, and wisdom of the God's own Spirit living inside of me, so I can and must live a godly, transformed life.  I can and must love my spouse and children in a Christlike way. Theology also teaches me how to do these things.  One parenting book I read answered the oft-posed question "Why does the Bible have so little to say about the how-to's of parenting?" The author countered this assumption by pointing out that Bible teaches us how to live, how to be kind, how to be wise -- so the carry over becomes self-evident -- we must be kind to our children, loving to our children, patient with our children, etc.  The Bible gives us the fruit of the Spirit and shows us what love looks like (1 Cor. 13). If we out on these Christian attributes, we will be godly people, godly spouses, and godly parents.

Sounds simplistic? Perhaps. But as any dedicated Christian knows,

 it may be basic, but it's not easy.

It's not easy to put to death the flesh every day, but that's the way of life for a Christian.  That's the bottomline marriage and parenting advice of Scripture.  And it's sufficient.

So am I done with Christian marriage and parenting books?  Nah.  But I will give them their proper place, not crediting them with any more weight than their due.  And I will advocate Scriptural theology as the best and only truly sufficient answer to the issues of life.

Camp Week Highlights

What did I love about camp last week?  Let me tell you!

Coming up upon Conroy and a counselor praying together, intense over the heart-needs of his campers (and my daughter asking, "Mommy, why is Daddy praying with him?"  I love answering those types of questions!)...

Standing in the back of the camp "tabernacle" watching staffers' and campers' arms raised high in adoration, voices lifted, tears flowing on the last night of camp -- emotions choking out the words as they respond to God's Word from their hearts...

Watching the sun shining on the lake as we make our way to breakfast and hearing questions like "Why is the lake full of sparkles, Mama?"

Catching a glimpse of the hearts of the dedicated camp workers who expend their lives in ministry every week all summer to countless young people...

Seeing a counselor's fist pump in the air and a silent mouthed "Yes!" as a camper he's prayed for all week responds to the gospel invitation on the final night.

This is what we live for.  This is the "mountaintop" of ministry.  Seeing lives changed.  Watching hearts soften.  Getting front row seat to God's kingdom action.  It doesn't get any better than this.

Exhausting? yes.  

Rewarding? beyond measure.

Easily "the best week of the summer" just like the banner on the wall of the chapel confidently proclaims!

A' Camping We Will Go!

We are camping this week (if living in a cottage for a week counts as camping).  I have idyllic dreams of camping --
            Long hours blogging/journaling on the porch overlooking the lake.
            Morning runs along the wood-lined trails near our cabin.
            Getting ahead on my research/class prep for the upcoming school year.

Oh wait.

I'm camping with a 4-year-old.  

Scratch those plans.

Instead my camp week will involve "Jacie-style" activites --
       Stopping to examine spider webs and stones along the wooded trail near our cabin.
       Playing "motorboat" in the camp pool. 
       Playing "Noah and Mrs. Noah" in the boat-shaped playground.

But still, there's something about camping -- Retreating into the woods, looking out over a serene lake, breathing in nature anew -- that rejuvenates the soul.

And while it might not be quite the idyllic getaway I might dream of,
I get to experience the great outdoors through the fresh eyes of my 4-year-old, 
I get to participate in the always-novel wonder of seeing God work in young lives through the preaching of His Word in a setting free of distractions.

I get to experience camp in a different way -- not as a counselor, not as a camper --but as an adult, a ministry wife  -- a perspective from the outside in.

The Power of Praise (or What to Do When You Can't Sleep...)

Insomnia is not a typical struggle for me.  But every now and then a sleepless night comes calling.  You know those nights...

-- when the brain just won't "shut off." 

-- When life's fears and anxieties overcome the the pull of sleep. 

-- When prayer cycles into worry, then back to prayer, then to worry -- until you're exhausted (but still not sleeping) from the struggle.

As a teenager, I read somewhere this tip:  "Instead of counting sheep when you can't sleep, make a list of God's attributes, beginning with 'A'." Today this tip was brought to memory as I read through Psalm 145 and was reminded that this Psalm is an acrostic based on the Hebrew alphabet.  The closing assignment in the study I am using was to make my own alphabetical list of God's attributes.

And like a flood, the power of praise washes over me.  The uncanny ability that God's Word has to restore the soul amazes me once again.

~~ Doesn't Psalm 22:3 say that God inhabits the the praise of His people? 

~~ Didn't Paul and Silas feel the prison walls tremble and their chains break off after an impromptu time of praise and worship? 

~~ Don't we feel the drizzle of depression and doldrums begin to dissipate as we drench our minds and hearts in God, in praising Him?  

So, do it!  Praise Him! List His attributes back to Him as an act of worship. Then watch Him turn your sacrifices of praise into temples of worship!

Five Minute Friday: Finish

It usually doesn't come with a warning.  There's no grand finish line.  No horns blowing or flags waving to signal the end.  It just quietly and uneventfully ends.  And suddenly you look back and realize that it's over.  It's gone.  The baby stage is past and the toddler stage is here.  Then you get busy again and notice that the toddler stage is over and in place of the toddler I find an active, articulate little girl. Barely even a preschooler any more.  She reads alone.  She makes her own breakfast.  She doesn't need or want me in the bathroom with her.  She gets dressed alone.  Just like that babyhood/toddlerhood is behind.  It never even said good-bye.

Most things in life are like that, I think.  Oh, some go with a clanging finality.  The family house being sold.  The son moving away to college or the daughter getting married.  But most other more nebulous stages just quietly end.  And the finale passes us in quiet ordinariness.  

I don't remember the last day Jacie pronounced sausage "ostrich."  But she says it right now.  I don't remember the last day I could read to her and skip sections without her knowing 'cuz she's reading along right with me.  I didn't know the last time she begged me to come in the bathroom and help her on the toilet would be the last time.  She hasn't needed me for months now.  

I embrace the finish because it signals an exchange -- a new set of adventures and learning and development.  But sometimes I wish I had said good-bye to the last stage before I realized it was already finished.

Farmers' Market Finds

Our local farmers' market launched a terrific program this summer for kids.  Just for signing up and showing up each Saturday, kids ages 4-12 get 2 free wooden tokens worth $1 each, good toward any produce.  The best part is that the kids get to keep the tokens from week-to-week and save them up!  I take Jacie with me every Saturday that I'm in town, and so far we've gleaned summer squash, eggplant, and green beans -- all farm-fresh and chemical-free -- for free!

Last night's chicken-crust pizza boasted all veggie toppings as a result.

(The summer squash missing on this one; I forgot to take a pic before we devoured it!)

I followed this recipe for our green beans

and paired them with Conroy's famous jerk-sauced chicken! (Both dinners adhere to my low-carb living life-style.)

Yay for farmers' markets featuring local produce!  And yay for finding free healthy-eating deals!  

Five Minute Friday: BELONG

Belong. A fitting word as we've just come home from a week-long vacation.  My home is where I belong.  My family is where I belong.  But do they feel the same way?

Does my 4-year-old feel that sense of "Ahhhh" relief when she walks through the door of her house and sleeps in her own bed that first night back? Does our home and family create a sense of peace and stability that welcomes and envelops her as plays and lives throughout each day?  Does she feel challenged to grow, but at the same time embraced and loved for who she is? I pray that she knows that she Belongs.

Does my husband sense welcome and rest as he walks in the front door after a long day?  Does he feel the joyous liveliness that life with a preschooler brings while still having the freedom to unwind?   Does the atmosphere at home spell warm retreat and not tension and frustration?  It is my desire that he knows that he Belongs.

And what about our guests?  Do they feel at home when they come over?  Do they feel welcomed and embraced and relaxed?  Does our house meet that cheery balance of clean but not sterile, orderly but lived-in, peaceful but not too quiet? I hope each person feels that he or she Belongs.

Jacie's Latest: Favorite Screen Time Activity

"Beginners Bible for Kids" has a Youtube cartoon series that Jacie can't get enough of.  She loved the Beginners Bible Storybook that we read over and over to her from the time she turned two years old until we recently advanced to the Jesus Storybook Bible for family devotions.

The Youtube cartoon series based on the Beginners Bible storybook is just as good as the Bible storybook itself, sticking closely to the Biblical account without too much embellishment and providing great visual support to the well-loved Bible stories.  Jacie watches them daily and repeatedly -- it's the only thing she wants to do when she gets on the computer anymore!

8 Lessons in 8 Years of Marriage (Pt. 2)

#4 - Trust God and Expect the Unexpected!
Life never happens as you expect on your wedding day.  Infertility happens. Jobs change. Callings emerge.  Even the person you marry changes over time.  The one constant is God Himself. And, thankfully, the character of the man I married hasn't changed.  Through life changes and disappointments, I've learned to trust in God more, but I've also learned that I can trust my husband. His character has shone steady and his commitment has been true.  How grateful I am!

#5 - Where he leads, I (ought to) follow.
My husband's leadership is God given and conveys a wisdom I don't always immediately "get." Those times I have pushed ahead against Conroy's better judgement, the outcome has always come back to bite me.  Not because Conroy holds it over me or does anything, but because time and circumstances prove him to be right.  This lesson has recently come home to me and is one from which I'm determined to learn.

#6 - Even the best of marriages take work.
In our marriage, we can easily coast. Our personalities are quite compatible and we are both laid back people in a lot of ways.  But when we coast too long, we drift apart.  We need the occasional check-in of a one-on-one date night, of a healthy "state of the union" discussion, of intentional daily times together. Unfortunately, it usually ends up being a fight that precipitates the "healthy discussion."  Our goal is to get to the place where these discussions take place out of an ongoing passion to keep our marriage strong and not just arising out of conflict.

#7 - Give each other plenty of space and room to grow.
One night in a discussion with one of our young adults after Bible study, I overheard my husband say that he does a lot of "overlooking" in our marriage.  I didn't get offended.  It's true.  He does overlook my faults and chooses to love me anyway.  In a good marriage. I believe both spouses get good at "overlooking" the faults of the other -- not in a "winking at sin" kind of way, but in a "love covers a multitude of sins" kind of way.

#8 - Reminisce and dream together.
I love to relive our romance and look forward to our future.  Often our date nights consist of dreaming and setting goals for the future -- ministry goals, financial goals, and family goals.  This was a key component to our connection while we were dating and the way we love to continue to relate.  It keeps us connected and growing in the same direction. There's little else more bonding than making plans with someone and reviewing where you've been together.

8 years -- a mere drop in the bucket compared to so many -- I can't wait for the next 80 and beyond!

8 Lessons in 8 Years (Pt. 1)

Next week will be our 8th Wedding Anniversary.  We'll be skipping town for a long weekend away, so I thought I'd post an anniversary blog before "going dark" for a few days...

In 8 Years of Marriage, I've learned....

#1 -- Marriage is easier than I expected.  
Yes, you read that right.  So many articles, blog posts, and books talk about how difficult marriage is, and I'm not denying that it can be very difficult.  For us, it's just not, though.  I braced myself and expected difficulty -- lots of it -- partially because I'd read so many of those books prior to getting married and partially because as a PK (pastor's kid), I'd seen the painful realities of marriage for so many people.  Maybe Conroy and I are just really, really compatible or maybe it's because of all the reading we'd done beforehand (and during) and all the introspective conversations we've had (and still do have), but marriage is far more fun, fulfilling, and just easier than I'd anticipated.

#2 -- Marriage is not a cure-all.  
You know that song that asserts that once you're "going to the chapel, and we're gonna get married... you'll never be lonely again"?  It's a lie.  Marriage doesn't mean instant or constant intimacy.  It doesn't fulfill every ache, need, and desire.  Only Jesus meets our every need. I'd read and thought I understood this concept, too, before I got married. So I felt mentally prepared, but I guess I still expected to never be alone on a Friday night again, at least.  To always have "date nights." But many a Friday night, I've spent alone.  Or at least not on a date.  In my case, I chose ministry life and a ministry husband, so I don't resent that he's often gone. I'm proud of his calling and I love our life in ministry.  But marriage doesn't mean constant companionship. And some nights, I'm still lonely.

#3 -- I'm selfish and I'm impatient.  
Maybe the rest of you already knew that, but I thought I was a fairly patient and self-sacrificing person before I got married. God has used marriage like a mirror to accurately show me the depths of my heart.  I love me more than anything else.  Humbling to admit, but true.  Nothing makes me more angry than Conroy messing up my mental timeline/deadline -- whether it's communicated or not. Schedules and timetables are not his strong suit, and in eight years of marriage, I've come to believe that God gave him this particular foible as the Divine Sandpaper to persistently rub away at my sharp edges.  (God does that, you know.  He designs your partner's weakness to chip away at you, to sculpt you into His image.)  Knowing this truth doesn't always translate into loving, patient behavior on my part, sadly.  I'm still a work in much need of progress.

The constant reminder of my own sin does make it easier for me to forgive Conroy when he sins against me.  I often think, "How in the world can I hold [this or that] against him when I just responded so irritably a minute ago?  And he responded lovingly to me anyway?  I have no right get mad at him for [this other issue]!" Seeing myself as I really am is a surprising grace in our marriage.

Our Summer So Far....

She asked me how many kids I wanted to have.  "I would have liked to have had at least four, but that's probably not gonna happen," I answered honestly, biting back the sigh of infertility.

Incredulously, she looked at me and exclaimed, "Four kids!  Then you'd never have room for all of us!"

And there it is.  The truth.  God's plan.  Because just maybe I'm supposed to have room for the kids who have nowhere else to go. Maybe that's what He wants for our lives instead. So instead of a houseful of young children, we have:

College students and extended family filling our home...

Trips to the DMV and driving practice in the parking lot...

Impromptu graduation party with volleyball, football, soccer in the yard...

Trips to the mall because the AC broke...

Wedding bubbles celebrating the holy matrimony of special friends...

Long, lazy, sunshine-drenched days....

Strolls through flea markets and farmers' markets...

Dollar ice cream cones from Burger King....

Late night movies with teens and twenty-somethings piling in our living room...

Living the God dream -- the One He has wrought -- so satisfying, so blessed.  Our home is full and our hearts are full; we are so in awe of what happens when His hands gently remove our plans and replace them with His own. 

Glimpses of Glory

We see it in the glowing faces of the newlywed couple -- passion, excitement, joy radiating from their very beings.

It's in the moment a newborn child, long- desired and prayed for, is placed in the outstretched arms of a first time mother -- desire fulfilled.

It's felt in the moments we see our children, or those we've mentored and poured our lives into, make right choices. It's in the bursting pride we feel.

Glimpses of glory.  Heaven breaking through for a second, shining its light on our shadowy world.  But just glimpses. Never really pure joy. Hardly unadulterated. Because how can Joy not be tinged with sadness?  Not be mingled with life's disappointments?

Behind the newlywed smiles lurks impossible expectations just waiting to be dashed. At every joyous occasion, smiles mask the pain of disappointment.

The newborn answer to his mama's prayers may soon break her heart with his rebellious ways, or at the least, present a whole new set of worries and vulnerabilities unique to parenthood.

The pride we feel in our children is mingled with all the fears for their continued well being and the sadness of another child's failure.

Rarely do we know joy without feeling at the same time the hurt we've had to overcome to get to this place, the lingering ache in another area.  A promotion at work may have meant strain on a relationship at home.  The golden anniversary celebration represents lots of hard work and tears -- sorrow mingled with joy.

Until heaven, glimpses of glory is all we get.  Little sweet foretastes of glory divine. But always, always tinged with the groaning of creation longing for perfection.

Longing for the Joy to be made full.  

To be complete.  

To be unadulterated.

Five Minute Friday: Messenger

"Don't Shoot the Messenger!" the warning often leaves the lips of the bearer of bad news.  Why is it that the message become inextricably bound up in the messenger?  Why is it so hard for most of us to disassociate the message from its messenger?

The message I'm glad I get to be associated with is the best message of all, though.  Bearing good news is something we do gladly, willing to associate ourselves with our news.  Paul says in Corinthians that we are ambassadors of the gospel of reconciliation.  What a wonderful thing to be associated with! We get to be the bearers of good news!  We get to be involved in the great reconciliation process -- reconciling a lost world to a Loving Savior!

What gladsome tidings we bring!  What a great thing it is to be a messenger of the King!

Food Frugalities, Pt. 2

Last night's meal:

Baked chicken legs and thighs -- Perdue has hormone free, healthier  chicken, so I feel pretty good about this recent switch.  10 lbs. lasts us almost two weeks and costs about $11 or $12.  I simply season them with a garlic herb mixture, and Conroy adds his famous Jamaican Jerk sauce concoction.

Stir fry cauliflower and broccoli --  I heat these frozen veggies in a skillet, drizzled with coconut oil and seasoned with whatever I have on hand  - Mrs. Dash, Oregano, Seasoned Salt, Garlic/Onion Powder, etc.

Instant Brown Rice -- a staple for my husband, as well as the one item that Jacie will always eat if she eats nothing else.

Commentary:  Perhaps even cheaper than the tuna patties, this meal rings in somewhere between $3 and $4 total, figuring the chicken at $1 per meal and bags of frozen veggies which can usually be found for $1 each.  The instant rice is $1.50 a box, as mentioned in my last post, and we use only about half a box or less per meal.

Food Frugalities

In an ongoing effort to live within our means and allow me to stay home the majority of the time with our daughter, Conroy and I make a consistent effort to trim and tweak our grocery budget since that's one of the few areas that we can control (as opposed to rent and other set bills).  Summers especially call for a little budget-tightening since we temporarily lose some of our "cushion" income during these months.  Our conversation just yesterday combined with seeing yet another post on money saving tips for living frugally prompted me to this post.

Contrary to some who protest that eating healthy is more expensive, I've found it to be quite the contrary.  Perhaps this post may lead to its own page or series, we'll see.  Over eight years of marriage and, in recent years, the additional process of eliminating processed foods from our diet, I've found several tried and true meal plans and shortcuts that make it possible for us to eat on about $50-$60 a week, even with 2 international students, making 5 of us total.  I'm still and ever on the hunt to perfect and improve, so I'd love to hear interaction and feedback on this subject!

Last night's meal:

Tuna patties -- eggs, tuna, oatmeal, salt, pepper and whatever sauce you have on hand (I used soy sauce)

Sweet potato fries  -- cut one large sweet potato into thin strips and pan-fried in butter or coconut oil, sprinkled with nutmeg and cinnamon.  (YUM!)

Instant brown rice 

Commentary:  My family raves about the tuna patties, and they are so cheap!  Even my picky three-year-old eats them (with a dollop of ranch)!  At 68 cents a tin (I used 4), you can't beat this price for dinner!  The sweet potato costs a dollar, and it fed all of us with leftovers.  I used half a box of the rice ($1.50 a box), and we had leftovers of that, as well. So the 4 of us ate for $5.50 altogether!  Can't beat that!

What's your best tried-and-true, healthy, cheap meal?

The Delight of Her Face

The slope of her nose.  

 The dark lashes against her cheek. 

The perfect arc of her furrowed brow, intense with concentration.  

 The wispy, dark curls that spring loose from her tightly bound hair. 

The delicate outline of her lips puckered as she focuses.

 The long legs reaching for the sky as she swings on the playground.

The dimple in her elbow bare to the sun in summer short sleeves.  

All of these details I drink in as I watch her.  Uninhibited and unaware as she will never be again in her life.  Baby roundness still dominates her features while her limbs give away the slow fade from babyhood to childhood.

"Almost gone,"  the words whisper like a harbinger in my soul.  "Drink it in now," the warning continues, "before this moment, this phase, is irrevocably gone."

So I do, with greedy desperation.

I look and watch and soak in the incredible details of the baby face I still can't believe is my child, freeze-framing each moment in a futile effort to still the hands of time.

Summer Sneak-Peek

Summer is here -- suddenly and gloriously.  It's the last week of K3 for Jacie, yet it seems that we've already packed in so much summer fun! And I'm ready.  I'm deliriously, giddily, excited-as-a-kid-at-Christmastime for SUMMER!

Knoebels was our first big "summertime" event.  As Jacie's first experience at a real (though kiddie-sized) amusement park, it was a big hit! Some highlights included:

With the end of the school year came closing ceremonies.  First was AWANA:

 Jacie finished her 3-year-old Cubbie book, so earned a plaque and ribbon.

And today was the last day of K3 party:

The warm weather has already invited downtown walks, ice cream consumption, outdoor cafe fun, and bike riding.

It's shaping up to be a great summer, and it's only just begun!!